Flynn Family

When all you can see on your plate is what you don't like...

2012-02-05T16:29:00.000-08:00

We were sitting at dinner tonight. Jackson wasn't liking something I put on his plate. At that moment he couldn't see the things on his plate that he liked. I commented on this and mom said, "We all do that. When something is going wrong in our lives, we can't see what is going right so everything in our life seems bad." It is so true. When life happens all you can see is what is going wrong. I guess that is why we are told to count our blessings.

Pete bought me a framed thought for Christmas. It said - "We should certainly count our blessings, but we should also make our blessings count." - Neal A. Maxwell

When it rains...

2012-01-31T20:35:00.000-08:00

Okay so since the other job fell through I tried to hold on to my job at the school. Unfortunately enrollment dropped and they don't have the enrollment to keep me. This bites. That is probably the nicest way I know how to say it.

On another note....

Well related...

I told Wyatt I could take him to school tomorrow. He asked me why. I told him I didn't have a job anymore. He said, "You passed?" Leave it to a six year old to give you a little perspective.

Cancel that last post.

2012-01-30T08:53:00.000-08:00

So my job turned out to be a bust. I am unable to carry my own professional liability insurance and that is what this company requires, therefore I don't have the job anymore. I am hoping this is for the best and that something really great will come along but I am losing heart over the matter. I just need one break. Something that will hold us so we can be independent again. I understand trials and everything like that, but this one feels so ongoing! Keep on keeping on I guess.

Long time no post...

2012-01-22T22:17:00.000-08:00

So its been awhile. I am not even sure anyone is reading.

So the news.

I will be done with my job at Falls Valley Elementary on January 31. It is the first job I have left voluntarily since I left the copy center on the University of Idaho campus. I am excited for the next move. I will be working for Sullivan Mental Health Services in Idaho Falls. I am completely excited. I will be a PSR (Psycho-social Rehabilitation) Specialist. I will be starting with 2 clients but even that will give me at least what I am making now. The growth opportunities are great and it is right along the lines of what my goals are. I also have one person to give me a letter of reccomendation for grad school. This is starting to form into a real goal and a real plan. Maybe this will work out afterall. I know it is what I am supposed to do, it has to work out, right?

Pete and the boys are good. We spent most of the last couple of weeks with the Jetta in the shop. Boy isn't that fun?

I love music!

2011-12-14T22:43:00.000-08:00

I love to listen to music. What I listen to depends on my mood. Sometimes when I am cleaning I need something loud, or with a good beat. Sometimes its Livin' La Vida Loca by Ricky Martin. It is just a fun song with high energy that gets me cleaning.

When I am down or stressed I usually listen to something by Michael McLean Usually Hold on, The Light Will Come or You're Not Alone. It helps me feel better and brings peace.

When I am driving it is a little bit of everything.

My Christmas music contains everything from The Forgotten Carols to Twisted Christmas. I did realize this year, I need more variety. More A capella (Love Straight No Chaser's version of 12 Days of Christmas).

Can a person change?

2011-11-27T20:32:00.000-08:00

I have been watching shows lately, many of them ask - Can a person change?

I think a person that wants to change, can. The Lord can work wonders. I have seen the Atonement of Christ work wonders, in my life and the lives of the people around me. The only problem with change, there is a past that was not in alignment with what you are now. There is something that needed to cause the change.

People, the flawed people, have a hard time letting go of what is in the past. It makes it more difficult for someone who really needs it to change. When the people around them don't let the past go, it is an ever present spectre in our lives. It comes back to knock you backwards. Change is not an easy thing to accomplish. It is a journey, I am still on this journey. Sometimes, I wish the past could just be forgotten. I want to scream - "I AM NOT THAT PERSON ANYMORE!!!!!!!!"

Please, forget the things I did to offend, and I will try to forget your bad stuff. Please forgive me, while I try to forgive you. Please trust that I am trying my best to be my best self I will be patient and trust that you are doing the same.

The past is something that people don't need thrown in their faces, I hope I can be the person that leaves yours alone. I guess it is all part of my journey. I had to type this tonight, my mind was swimming.

Thankful

2011-11-24T08:59:00.000-08:00

It is entirely cliche to be posting this on Thanksgiving, but I don't care. I have so much to be Thankful for.

I was sitting in the car yesterday on the way to Devri's house for Thanksgiving and we drove past the Salt Lake Temple. I had such warm feelings in my heart, knowing that I can have eternity. It had never been possible until this month. I am amazed at the blessings I see. Life isn't perfect, we still need to be out on our own, which means I need to find a full time job, but it is so much better in important ways.

I am Thankful for my job. It gives me something to do, but I think in the long run it will help me both in my chosen career and in my home life. I am able to talk to people that might help me to be able to help Jackson.

Pete and I are so much better and we were never really bad. There are so many changes I see in him and myself that make a world of difference in our lives. I believe people can change, I have seen it and experienced it. It is so amazing the way the Lord works in our lives.

Lately I have seen prayers answered, that I had forgotten about, in unexpected ways. I know the Lord is aware of us and loves us.

Happy Thanksgiving, may your lives be richly blessed.

Sealing Pictures

2011-11-14T17:33:00.001-08:00

The best birthday ever.

2011-11-09T17:29:00.000-08:00

I need to blog this now or I will forget. Though I am not sure how true that is.

November 4, 2011 we drove down to Saratoga Springs to spend the night with Devri. We drove into Salt Lake City after getting the kids squared away and did a session at the Temple there with Devri and Brian and Janene and Jason. It was awesome in the truest sense of the word. It was a beautiful session and we went to The Garden Restaurant in the Joseph Smith Memorial building for dessert afterwards. Afterwards, we drove home to Devri's in the snow.

The best was yet to come.

November 5, 2011 we went back to the Salt Lake Temple and this time took our boys. We were sealed for Time and all Eternity in a beautiful ceremony. I don't remember the words. I just remember being so happy. I never thought we would be there. I thought I was okay with it. I had made my peace with my decisions. Then Pete got sick and suddenly the Church was important again. I never stopped believing, I just think it took awhile for me to truly forgive myself.

Anyway, Pete got sick, and he started looking at life. Suddenly this stubborn person I married was worried about how he left relationships with people. Things suddenly touched him in ways they hadn't before. It was a long journey, but we made it to the Temple in the best birthday present ever. We had about 20 people there with us - All my sisters - Chelsea, Devri & Brian, Taryn & David, My mom and dad, Grandma & Grandpa Linville, My friend Janene and her husband, Jason, Friends from our ward - Jason and Kari Peterson, Peggy Denton (her husband Gary came and took pictures for me), & Clayton and Deycie Hamilton, My friend Holly from college, My mom's cousin YuRee Hall, Pete's friend Dee and his wife Tamara, and I think I got everyone.

Afterwards we went to The Garden for Lunch. I think they were a bit overwhelmed with the size of our group. Ethan's friend Tashina was watching Michael at Temple square We have kind of adopted her into our family unofficially. It was just a happy day. The cold just didn't affect me, even Wyatt giving us trouble during the pictures didn't dampen my mood. Unfortunately, I don't have pictures at this moment to upload.

I am so grateful for the love and support of everyone as we made this journey. I can't wait to see what else is in store.

I love my family and am so glad I have the opportunity to be with them forever.

To tie back into the title, November 5, 2011 was my 30th birthday. It was a perfect birthday gift and perfect party. We went to Devri's after the temple and she had made me a Caramel cake and bought me ice cream. It was fun that she would do that for me. Love you Dev and Bri!

Sweet!

2011-09-29T15:56:00.000-07:00

My visiting teaching companion is the best. She worked so hard and made my boys halloween costumes. I am never this on the ball with costumes. Wyatt wanted to be Thor and Jackson wanted to be Mario. She is so talented!

Making plans...

2011-09-26T20:10:00.000-07:00

So we aren't moving yet, still bed news, but there is good news.

We are going to be sealed in the Salt Lake Temple on November 5, 2011. It will be at 12:20 in the afternoon. Pete will be going through the Rexburg Temple the week before. I am so excited, but now its just about waiting and getting ready.

I can't wait. It is on my 30th birthday - I can't think of a better birthday party or birthday present.

Doubt....

2011-09-14T22:35:00.000-07:00

It is amazing to me how sometimes I can feel the spirit so strong and then there are times, when I feel so far away that there comes in doubt. I realize doubt is a tool of the adversary, but sometimes it is difficult to get away from.

I once read something about fear being the opposite of faith. Faith and fear cannot exist together. Yet, right now I am so scared and to get through that I am really trying to have faith. Sometimes, faith can only get you so far. It doesn't help when anytime I try to take a step forward I am knocked backwards. I try and try and try to get where I need to get to have my family on stable footing. Pete and I try... we talk about what we need to do.... We work towards that and it doesn't help.

Right now I think I need to know that someone is listening. That it really is going to be okay. That there is something better waiting. I am working hard to get through school, I have a clear vision of what I want. Life in the meantime is beating me up. I feel bruised and broken and scared.

Sorry if I am over sharing, this is my outlet and the closest thing I have to a constant journal, which is scary but at least I try.

UGH.....

2011-09-13T13:23:00.000-07:00

So seriously - getting discouraged - Thought for sure I had that job, I just didn't interview well. I HATE THIS! I need to figure this out - especially in this economy.

On a positive note, Wyatt's Kindergarten teacher says he is ready to read before a lot of his class. she wants to move him to the afternoon, but I don't know. I think I am going to leave him wherever Mayci is. It will help when I actually find a job.

so for now breathing in - breathing out.

Hope springs anew.

2011-09-06T13:58:00.000-07:00

I have hope again. I never really lost it but when you wait and wait for something and it doesn't come it can be frustrating especially when you are dependent on it for other things.

I finally have an interview at EICAP. It has been a long wait for a job possibility that changed many of our plans. That change has caused frustration on all sides so I think we are all looking for a little hope of better things to come.

Its not so much my faith being tested right now as my patience. Its a tough thing living with family. Its a blessing and a challenge. It tests your boundaries and makes for new relationship dynamics that were never there before.

Roles are not as defined. C'est la vie! C'est l'amour!

I am in four psychology classes so at the end of four introductory chapters I can officially say I am tired of the conditioned response of Pavlov's dogs. If only I had the patience to condition my children so well.

School starts on Thursday. It is so weird that it is starting this late. I need them to be in school so it is easier for me to work on my school. My goal for this school year is get up at six, shower, get them up and stay up and work on what I need to work on whether it is going to work or reading textbooks. Maybe it will work.

I've had enough

2011-09-04T20:29:00.000-07:00

When will my enough be sufficient to meet the Lord's enough? I can't take much more. We need steady employment and space of our own and so does my mom! I am not sure how much we all can handle.

I must be doing alright

2011-09-02T12:22:00.000-07:00

When life falls apart, I blog. Not necessarily because I have to share it with the world but because I need to get it out. So honestly I must be doing okay. I am antsy waiting to hear from my job possibility. I am not as nervous as I could be because I know why it's delayed. I am just anxious to get something going. I want to be moved out of mom's again. I need to have my own stuff and my own house and mom needs hers back. I was never going to move back in with my parents.

I am back in classes and have 13 credits. I am loving my developmental psych class. The others will be interesting.

It got chilly the last couples days. I have even been able to turn off the fans. Heck I have been able to cuddle with Pete to get warm at night. I was freezing last night until he rolled over and held me. This summer it has just been to hot, I hug the edge to keep away from the heat.

I can't believe school hasn't started yet. It doesn't start until the 8th. I keep waiting. My boys thrive in school and it seems to make things easier on them and me. Wyatt will be in morning Kindergarten and Jackson will be in third grade, can you believe it?

Jackson's Baptism

2011-08-19T12:30:00.000-07:00

Jackson was baptized on July 9 and Pete was able to do it! I never thought that would be a possibility. I am amazed at the changes that have happened in the last few years with our family. Brother Bigelow described the baptism itself as Wack-a-Mole and it is a pretty good description. Jackson started resisting as soon as he hit the water. He didn't want to be under, which is difficult when we baptize by immersion in the LDS church. He struggled and Pete didn't want to do it again so he pushed down all of Jackson that popped up before he brought him out of the water. Good thing too because Jackson said "Don't do that again!" when he was standing again.

We had our own service with a couple kids from his primary class.

Ethan confirmed him. It was sweet and I know that it came from Heavenly Father when there were things mentioned that I was concerned about. Now Ethan is in the MTC preparing to teach the people of Arcadia California the Gospel.

Plan B

2011-07-22T09:21:00.001-07:00

Plan B puts me on shaky ground, not that A wasn't shaky.

Plan B - get a job here, finish the degree or minor or whatever - long and short get two semesters of a good gpa and work to get into grad school. MOVE OUT OF MOM AND DAD's. They need their house and I need out. No offense haha.... Mom told me I need an exit strategy. Plan B is still forming. I am going to scream now. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay that is better. This feels alot like last year when the plan to move to Utah fell apart.

The thing about family pictures

2011-07-05T08:41:00.000-07:00

Since my siblings and I have moved out and one by one gotten married, I don't think we have a family picture with everyone. Usually Pete is gone or Thomas. This time we managed to get Pete and Thomas, but David wasn't there and neither was Jessica. My kids were also missing. You know, maybe someday....

The second picture is just the grandkids... We managed

to have all of them in the same place when my sisters came for a visit.

Obladi Obladah

2011-06-26T11:49:00.000-07:00

Probably didn't spell it right, but the next line is "life goes on." I suppose I have been getting behind here and have some pictures to upload. Jackson and Pete are still at church waiting to get into the bishop's office because Jackson is getting baptized on July 9. I can't believe the difference of where we were 8 years ago to where we are now.

Lately though, especially when the boys were in Lewiston visiting Pete's mom, with the extra time I have had to think, I have just had the blues. I don't understand, I can't explain. I just feel like I am breaking inside. It makes no sense to me. Even when things were bad for Pete, I wasn't feeling sorry for myself.

I don't generally throw myself a pity party, but I cannot seem to shake it. I don't think the things on my mind help but they certainly aren't the cause. I know a couple things I should do that might help, but right now I am just trying to get it out. I can't wait to get back into school again in classes that stimulate my mind. I think that will help.

I need to work on my spiritual side some more. Let's face it, no one is perfect we all need work. Sometimes its just hard to dig deep and do what I want and need to do.

I find this so ironic. Here I want to be a clinical psychologist and I am feeling depressed. I truly believe in the power of therapy and talking it out. So here I am, getting it out. I have other resources to dig deeper. Today was just hard and I don't why.

Time for the I feel guilty I haven't posted much blog

2011-06-03T19:23:00.000-07:00

That is probably a mouthful. I will eventually get the Disneyland pictures up, but you can likely find them on my facebook page.

School is officially over for the boys, so most days it is just them and me hanging out here taking care of things. I know why parents get kids involved in as many activities as possible. They don't want to be driven nuts.

Wyatt has officially learned how to ride a bike (thanks David!). My brother-in-law David and Wyatt were both bored so David helped him learn how to ride. We had one glorious crash, but Wyatt got bandaged up and got back on the bike. He was a little skittish on his take offs and stops but now he is fearless and is enjoying this new freedom a little too much. Jackson still isn't sure of himself but we are working on it.

Jackson is going to be 8 on July 6 and that means he is old enough to be baptized. He will be getting baptized on July 9 at 6pm. I think he has Pete convinced to baptize him which is so incredible to me. One of the things I thought would never be able to happen. I stand all amazed at the little things that have changed in Pete since this adventure began. If it is at all possible to be grateful for an illness that took so much out of us, I am grateful for what it has given us. It is true, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and in the same sentence brings a whole new set of challenges. I guess it would be pretty boring if we weren't challenged.

We will probably be moving at the end of the summer, but the door is very much open to coming back to this area. I feel like there is a need here for the profession I have chosen. I hope to be able to help in this area. I have two semesters to gain my second degree and then I want to go to grad school. The issue here is where I need to go. I hope I can have a program at Idaho, but I am not sure if this is possible. I will have to look at my options when I am where the advisors are.

Ethan got his Mission Call!

2011-05-11T15:40:00.000-07:00

Disneyland Part 1

2011-04-27T15:25:00.001-07:00

The first week of April, Pete's mom took our family to Disneyland. It was a fun and exhausting week. There was a lot of walking.

We flew into Orange County, John Wayne airport on Monday, April 4. We landed in the morning and since I had to get online and take a test we decided to take the day to relax and get settled before we hit the park on Tuesday. We did walk to the Garden Walk in Anaheim. We ate lunch at Bubba Gump's Shrimp company and can I say - good shrimp and a cute photo opp for my boys.

We also hit Downtown Disney - browsing and such. The boys had fun at Ride Makerz. We came home with a remote control fire truck and remote control mater.

The next day it was Disneyland! First was breakfast at Paradise Pier Hotel. We got to have breakfast with Mickey, Daisy, Pluto, and Stitch!

I need to go for now so I will post more later!

HATE HATE HATE

2011-03-29T19:50:00.000-07:00

I took lunch to Pete at the grocery store today. When I came out there were two people, one a store employee - smoking on the bench right outside the door. Seriously??? What happened to 25 ft? I don't like the smell and find many smokers to be very inconsiderate people because they like to smoke in the space of clean air lovin people. You have the right to destroy your own lungs? FINE stay out of my air - at least obey the law 25 feet. So it was raining - get in YOUR car, find a nook or cranny away from the entrance. That is the rudest thing.

Earlier I was taking my grandpa's dog to the bathroom on the grass behind the wal mart. There were so many cigarette butts I didn't think they would mind. Seriously people you ought to know better. Most inconsiderate thing. When I was going to school the first time, one of my friend's smoked. On a break in between classes I would go outside and talk to her. She at least stood downwind and used the supplied ashtrays. So not all smokers are that way but I see them all the time that are.

Can't sleep

2011-02-25T00:10:00.001-08:00

I have been tossing and turning tonight. I don't know why, I just can't get my mind to shut off. I hate nights like that.

On my mind tonight...

I hate the discussion currently in my Sociology class. I would love to look at it with all the naivete that my classmates look at the subject. They are young, most of them haven't worried too much about where things are coming from. I know they are on their own for the most part and so they are likely taking care of a lot if not all of their expenses. The subject is poverty in America. Some of them view the recession as the fault of laziness in those who don't have jobs. I can't wait until they graduate and can't find anything in their field. I hate when people generalize and view anyone that uses a need based program as abusing the system and too lazy to take care of their needs and that of their family. How dare they judge people so callously? Capitalism is not a reason to treat people as inferior. There are a lot of reasons people are in trouble and not all of them are from frivolous living and laziness.

okay so there is that soap box.

So anyway - this has me more than usual looking at my current situation. I still feel like I am waiting for life to start. I am working towards a second degree and I have two beautiful boys. I see progress and some things getting better, but seriously I just want to be able to live and take care of my family with my husband and have it work. I don't want to depend on others. I am excited about school and still feel like this is what I need to do, but I am impatient with the time it takes and the time I see looming ahead with so much uncertainty. I am scared, which is dumb because fear is the opposite of faith. I am trying to have faith.

It is so difficult to be patient and take things one day and one step at a time. I feel trapped, waiting. This is not how this is supposed to be. I have a degree what happened to the good job after college for me? I love the opportunity I have had to be close to my family but at the same time I need to feel productive. Things overall have gotten better, but it only makes other problems more clear in the spectrum of things. I realize this life isn't meant to be easy, but does it have to be this difficult. Don't tell me about perspective because I have some of that too, I just want to rant. I need to get some of this out so I can move on with things.

Its just really hard to know where to start. I know this isn't easy on my parents having us here, but I am so grateful that they have made room for us. There is so many conflicting emotions right now I don't know what to do with them all.

The Last Couple Years in a Quote

2011-02-24T20:59:00.000-08:00

"A slap in the face would be humiliating; a slap to the back of the head is a wake up call." ~LeRoy Jethro Gibbs

School again.

2011-01-27T22:00:00.000-08:00

I know that this is what I am supposed to be doing, but retraining for this routine is nuts. Online classes are an entirely different animal and I am also rectifying a mistake I made the first go round. I am interning two days a week. I think I need to relearn access. Oh well there you go for a random rambling.

back to the books.

And on Earth Peace, Goodwill toward men...

2010-12-26T13:35:00.000-08:00

I love this time of year, I always have. Last year was tough, I was worried about money and jobs and taking care of my boys for Christmas, it was needless, things worked out as they usually do, I just needed a bit more faith. Though I think that I had enough to pray and a relief society president who called in the middle of that prayer. To me that was a clue I needed to listen... I didn't end up needing it as much, but it was nice to know that I was loved, which I think was the point.

This year, not so much stress. I decided that I would leave it in God's hands. I knew that between my family and Pete's it would be okay and the boys would have a good Christmas. I also realized the boys don't need a lot. I gave away two huge totes of toys.. and those were overflowing. They still have too many toys. In spite of all the trials, we have been blessed. We have family willing and able to help us with our basic needs until we can do it for ourselves. To me this has been the greatest blessing and I will be eternally grateful and in the meantime we have been edified spiritually. You can't ask for more in this season of joy. So as we embark on our next adventures I would like to wish everyone a beautiful holieday season and the happiest and most fruitful of new years.

Hmmm.... Thinking again.

2010-12-17T23:17:00.000-08:00

...I'm afraid I've been thinking... A dangerous pastime, I know....

Anyway I have been thinking about gratitude. We often remember to show gratitude to he who created us for the things we have and his hand in our lives, probably not enough, but that would be the first place I reflect my gratitude.

I often take for granted the people in my life that do so much for me. I am sure at times they feel unappreciated, especially those who are closest to me.

I was watching Good Morning America the other day and saw that someone had written a book on this same topic that has been on my mind. I think I might have to get it and read it.

The book is called 365 Thank Yous by John Kralik. He was talking on GMA about hitting a low in his life and how doing a Thank you every day changed his outlook and his life.

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/excerpt-365-yous-john-kralik/story?id=12402610

Gratitude I think can be a pretty powerful thing. I think it not only changes the outlook others have on you and whether you appreciate them, I think that you change and find more ways to be thankful.

I am thankful for Rebekah who works hard collecting and assembling pictures into a family calendar. That is a lot of people to keep track of on one calendar.

I am thankful to my sisters for the conversations and the friendship.

I am thankful for my parents and the help they give me in the hard times, in turn I am thankful for my mother-in-law who does the same. They each help the best they can and it has gotten us through some rough patches.

I am thankful for friends who have given me advice and inspiration when I have needed it most.

I am thankful for my husband who puts up with my crap and is there when I need him.

I am hoping to show more gratitude to those around me and I hope they an feel appreciated.

Temple Square

2010-12-10T22:13:00.000-08:00

Pete and I were able to go see the lights on Temple Square on Monday. The boys had school that day so they missed out and I missed them. Anyway these are a few of the pictures we took. We had some great luck at the Family History Library too!

Thanks and Giving....

2010-12-03T15:26:00.000-08:00

Its amazing how different one year feels from another, even being in a similar financial position. I am trying to see the blessing in between all the crap. I am blessed with a wonderful family I can turn to if I need to and that includes my in laws too. I really don't get the whole awful mother in law thing. I am thankful for perspective that helps me see this is only a moment in a bigger plan. That really helps sometimes because sometimes life is just kind of crappy.

I am thankful for my little boys and trying to be better at not yelling at them. Sometimes I succeed better than others, but that's something to improve on, right.

I watched The Forgotten Carols on DVD the other day. I have this problem where I can't stop bawling. I am such a baby, but those songs just penetrate my soul. I am getting teary just thinking about it, lol. A big baby, I tell you what.

I am grateful for opportunities to serve and help my brothers and sisters sometimes. Poor Mac and Jess had their car break down on the way up for Thanksgiving... I was grateful to find some way to help them. This isn't about patting myself on the back. I just like to be in a position to help when the need arises and I very much appreciate the help I get from Uncle Rick every time I find myself stuck in Montana. I think we are here to help each other and sometimes that is easy to forget. I am also grateful for a husband that usually has the same idea to help that idea. It saves on negotiation.

I am grateful for the opportunity to go back to school and finally to have some idea what I want to be when I grow up. It started as a prompting but it made more sense than anything I had come up with and bonus: I can use it as an opportunity to help others from the mistakes that I have made. I still can't figure out why I never thought of it before, I guess I wasn't ready.

I am thankful for the times I am able to look back over situations and see a delicately orchestrated series of events. I am glad things are guided by one with the plan and perspective greater than mine. So back to The Forgotten Carols I will leave you some lyrics to the song at the end that really got to me:

What I Need

All I ever wanted,
All I ever dreamed of,
Everything I hoped and all the things I prayed for
Couldn't hold a candle to what I've been given,
I've been given what I need.

A mansion on the hill or love like in the movies
Perfect little lives, where no one has a problem
Instead of all those things I thought I really wanted
I've been given what I need.

Even when I didn't understand,
When I thought you had no heart,
Thank you for rejecting my demand
And always giving me the better part.

All I ever wanted,
All I ever dreamed of,
Everything I hoped and all the things I prayed for
Couldn't hold a candle to what I've been given
I've been given what I need.

I am also grateful for the inspiration of Michael McClean all the songs that he writes that just seem to exactly describe what I am feeling.

Going back to school....

2010-11-16T17:57:00.000-08:00

Deciding to go back to school has been an interesting journey for me. Pete has been hounding me since I graduated to go on and do more school. At that point, I was burned out and there was no going back. Gradually I have warmed up to the idea, but nothing ever seemed to be what I wanted to do... I tinkered with the idea of nursing school when Pete was really sick, but anyone who knows me knows I don't do smells - so ultimately bad idea....

A month or so ago I was talking to Taryn on the phone. She was having a bad night and I was trying to be there for her. I was inspired (it had to be inspiration) with a couple of solutions for her, but then another thought came to me. I was directed to my patriarchal blessing. There is a couple lines there that basically tell me I will be able to see the problems of others and give them wise counsel. For the first time, I thought of this as a possible career path. It came to me as clear as could be but hesitated. I wasn't sure I wanted to go back to school or how I could.

Pete, told me I ought to do it. So I finally sat down and applied for fafsa and my application to the University of Idaho. I chose to go back so I didn't have to transfer credits and I could improve my GPA.

Ultimately, I would love to be a therapist, either for myself or for LDS Family Services. I have talked to the counselors there before and I love the integration of the therapy with the same religious background. I hope this could be a way to turn mistakes I have made into a positive help for someone else. I have wanted to figure a way to help someone, maybe this is my way and the path I have been looking for. This is the first time I have felt like this could be what I want to do.

Never thought I would say this.

2010-11-11T15:23:00.000-08:00

I have filled out my fafsa and am applying to go back to school. I am actually thinking psychology. I want to be a therapist, ultimately I would love to help at LDS family services or something like that. I feel like I can help people and I really want to help. So this is going to be a long journey and I hope I am better equipped this time around. I will start by taking classes at the University of Idaho in Idaho Falls, if I can. I just felt like this was something I wanted to do and I felt like the inspiration for the idea came from a higher place.

More soon I promise.

2010-11-09T13:47:00.000-08:00

I have some pictures from the boys at halloween and from the first snow.... I will try to get a new post soon!

Big Changes

2010-10-20T18:17:00.000-07:00

So Saturday, October 16, 2010 was a big day for our family......

I will mess with the pictures later.... they aren't working right.

Devri Hosted Taryn's bridal shower.....

I was in charge of the food but somehow managed to not take a picture of the veggie tray or the gluten free fruit pizza (rice crispy treat crust)

After the bridal shower I jumped to the next thing...

Pete had decided to be baptized. Now our family is united in a common belief and church. I am so happy and feel so blessed in spite of the struggles we are facing. I didn't realize how quickly this day would come that day last year when I decided to go back to church because I needed something bigger than myself to help me get through his illness.

I am amazed at the changes I have seen in Pete. He has softened in so many ways. Things that I had chalked up to just the way he is have become not so harsh. He is more mindful of the boys and of me. He helps me more and there is just something more to our relationship which was already good. I love our relationship and our family.

Brian performed the baptism -Thanks Brian! It seemed fitting that Pete picked Brian since he and Dev have been so supportive and Devri had the guts to challenge Pete to race her through the Book of Mormon. I hoped we would get here, but I am not sure I ever believed it would happen until more recently.

I am looking forward to the next year of growth for our family. I can't wait until Pete and I are able to go through the temple together. It is one of the desires of my heart. I want forever.

Their story is heart-breaking

2010-10-19T18:02:00.000-07:00

I have been surfing around blogs, following my friends links and found this blog.

http://patrickandashley.blogspot.com/

This family lives in the area and some of their friends I know, though I don't know them personally. Their story is making me appreciate just a bit more the time I get with my boys. Time is such a precious gift. Three months ago they lost their 18 month old little girl after she fell into a canal.

To me this story is gut wrenching as she has had to face the worst nightmare of any mom. My heart goes out to her and her husband. I can't even imagine her pain, but I hope I can learn to appreciate my two little boys more and not take for granted the little moments.

Their faith to me is incredible, I share their beliefs but they put them into action. They have the knowledge that they will see their little girl again, but know that doesn't make it easy. Lets just say I have a few things to work on in my own life.

I love my husband and my little boys and am so glad I have been blessed with the time I have and I will try not to take them for granted.

All Moved again

2010-09-30T21:13:00.000-07:00

I don't think I will ever get used to life hitting me hard. I just get tired of starting over. Its like I just start to catch my balance and there goes the floor again.

I am grateful for a family that I can turn to, in fact I have two. My mom and my mother in law are both wonderful through all these ups and downs.

We moved back in with my mom again. I lost my job in June and have yet to find something else. I haven't had much time to work on finding a job. I need a network of people that can help me. I will make it if I can pull myself back together. I know that I am better than this. (just having a personal pep talk)

I am looking for the best in this. I have to have faith that something great will come along. I need something great to come along. Its hard to have that faith in this economy. I hate watching the political commercials with the governor telling us how much better he has made this state. It doesn't feel better. Personally I feel a self-proclaimed billionaire is so out of touch with the rest of us. I hate the rainbow they all paint about their records. I wish they would figure out how to actually do something good for me and the people I know.

I think faith right now is where I am struggling. Sometimes I just feel like I am falling into an abyss. If it weren't for my boys and the fact I have been so busy this last month I would probably just stay in bed, cover my head, and wish for the world to go away.

The Seven Year Itch

2010-08-16T23:08:00.000-07:00

Just Kidding. Pete and I have been married for seven years now. I am loving my life aside from the bumps along the way. I am really getting antsy about finding a job, but I don't know what else I can do. I am getting ready for school to start, Jackson will be in 2nd grade and Wyatt will be in preschool. I love those boys, even when they get a little busy.

I wish we could permanently put this illness behind us, but lately I am worried that the meds aren't helping and it is coming back. I have kept email addresses for doctors from Duke, I will turn to them if we need more help. I am just worried, I can never tell if it is a relapse or if he just has a bug that will go away in a day or two.

I need to get back to the temple, I need to pray more, I need to read the scriptures more, There is so much I need to do, I really need to keep that from adding to my stress. I just pray that my family will be taken care of and that Pete will get through this. I can't go back through the hospitals again. I don't think I am strong enough.

Winding down...

2010-06-22T11:36:00.000-07:00

So the current job is winding down into a move and another job. I don't want to move, but I feel like that is what we need to do and I don't see any jobs popping up around here. I can't argue. So if anyone knows anyone in the Salt Lake area that needs a renter of at least two bedrooms we are that family. Any help would be appreciated.

I am not stressing yet which totally blows my own mind. I mean two weeks away and no place to live I should be stressing, but I am not. I feel like it will work out, I just don't know how.

Boys are playing tee ball and that in and of itself is an adventure. Watching kids that little try to play can be downright funny!

Apparently I am way behind in posting.

2010-06-13T09:36:00.000-07:00

Jessica pointed out to me I need to update my blog. This is true but it took me a few more days after she told me to actually do it.

So our life has gotten increasingly more hectic in the last week. A job in Utah came through and that means we need to move again. Technically this will be the third move in less than a year. I just hope we can find someplace to move to. I am not sure whether to be nervous or excited or what. I feel like this is the right thing for us, but I really didn't want to move this soon.

My mother in law sent me a new camera. The last one started having problems that I have no idea how they started. Generally the party line is to blame Jackson lol jk, but this seems to be a common problem. So for our anniversary which is in a couple months, she sent one. Personally I think she was just missing pictures of the boys. I will try to get some taken and sent very soon.

I guess I only get a breather...

2010-05-20T18:13:00.001-07:00

Job hunting again. At least I have a little time and even a lead. That helps a lot, but it will mean moving again, to UTAH.... Not sure what to think about that.

Good news, I get my car back tomorrow. I miss my baby and Pete checked on her and said she looks good. That will be nice. The only problem would be getting someone to take me to her. Pete has to work at noon and mom and dad are at the state track meet with grandma and grandpa... nuts.

So tired of the sick!

2010-05-06T21:22:00.000-07:00

We have been sick around our place for the last week or so.. Colds all around. Sore throat, fever, everything. I went to bed last night with a sore ear... it gradually got worse until it ruptured at about 3:30 am. The pressure was relieved and I went to sleep until it was time to get up.

I woke up for work to snow, it was really more ice than snow. The roads started out not to bad. I got past the Twin Bridges and they were getting worse, but nothing I hadn't seen before. I hit the first corner and started grumbling about the guy coming toward me that was taking his half out of the middle. I moved over to avoid hitting him, but when I moved back I hit the ice and lost control. I managed to slide into the ditch into the deepest hole. The front end is completely messed up, I was in the four wheel drive for crying out loud and ignored the common sense that told me to put it into four wheel drive. I slowed down for the corner, but I still lost it. I wasn't hurt, but I hit a fence (it was fixed when I drove by on the way home).

I managed to get Pete out of bed and Ethan and Dad and Grandpa and Grandma. Ethan watched the boys, Pete brought me the other car, and grandpa towed the blazer out of the ditch. That saved on towing fees anyway. I hope we can get it fixed soon. I already miss it!

Minor Freak Out here...

2010-04-23T22:23:00.001-07:00

There is nothing like being ahead of the times. This is what I had to deal with last year and suddenly its like its been validated. Suddenly what Pete had is out there and apparently spreading. Its found in people with in tact immune systems. I am not sure this is a trend we wanted to start, but it helps knowing that there is research going on and that we aren't alone in this.

There are suddenly hundreds of articles today some posted just minutes ago... Google Cryptococcus Gattii (this is the strain that the infectious disease doctors suspect he contracted)

Blessings.

2010-04-06T20:21:00.000-07:00

Life is doing a lot better than it was last year. We have hope again. I am not sure about planning for the future because I always worry about what is coming around the next corner, but for now there is happiness. We are settled into our house. We just got a new sofa and loveseat that made it feel homey again. The chairs we had made it feel a little disjointed. I need to save for a camera so I can take pictures again. This is really inconvenient when I want pictures of the boys.

I am settling in well at work. My second month there I was given an award. It is the You Make A Difference award Ikon does. I am not sure if it was just my area or region or the whole company. I was given a 25 dollar gift certificate of my choice. I felt really appreciated considering the mess the site was in when I started. It was kind of fun cleaning up the mess, I liked being able to solve the problems.

I love that I am able to work four tens so I can have three day weekends every weekend. Considering the drive it also helps on gas. I have about nine and a half weeks of actual scanning. If they don't want me for indexing I am not sure what will come next but I am pretty sure I will still have a job. I hope.

I was really hoping for another wonderful post by Pete. I always like to hear his side of this mess.

The drive to work this morning was messy with the snow. It was gone by the time I went home. It is the weirdest thing. I took the wrong car, but as an Idaho girl I really wasn't that worried.

Laundry

2010-03-17T20:28:00.000-07:00

Emily always seems to do these and I have been home doing laundry all day realizing how much I really love my wife. Before my illness, I would go to the coast, put windows in new buildings, come home for two days, and leave again. Never realizing everything she did all day. I miss working everyday, but am very happy that I am alive.

One year ago next week, I was lying in a hospital bed scared out of my mind. The Doctors convinced that I had either bacterial or viral meningitis, anyone who knows me; this is how my Aunt Patsy died. I didn’t want to die the same way. It took me getting better, or so they thought, to come to grips with my own mortality.

I have been, at times in my life, a complete ass, there is no other way to say it, and it is true, I am not proud of how my first two my marriages ended. Waking up in the hospital in Utah, scared not knowing, why I was tied to the bed, where I was, or what had happened. I have had surgery twice in my life, the first time after cutting an artery while boning out a pork leg, I woke up singing the song I fell asleep too. This time waking up after having brain surgery, was weird, I panicked, and it took the medical staff to go get Emily to calm me down. Once I saw her I was at ease, it reminded me of when my Grandpa Pete woke up after having a massive heartache, He looked at my Grandma and said, “Girlie what am I doing here?” This is when I realized how much I would be lost without my redheaded Emmy.

Ok, since it has been a while since this thing has been updated.

Emily is working for IKON doing indexing of historical documents (now wait a minute, didn’t I go to college for history, lol), her job sounds fun in my opinion.

I am working part-time at Smith’s in Idaho Falls, while one of the meat cutters is on medical leave. Just bought a 03 VW Jetta, think I bought it for the heated seats, sunroof and the car has the coolest key I have ever had.

Since the Jetta get 30 MPG, I think Em will be driving it more once the snow is completely gone and I will start driving the Trailblazer that we got after I got out of the hospital last April.

I have come to realize that there is someone or something in this universe wants me alive. I have decided that maybe it is time to take the plunge and start taking everything that happens as having a higher purpose.

Surreal, but nice...

2010-02-21T19:47:00.000-08:00

The last month or so has been pretty surreal, first I got a job and then before the week was out my mom has talked to a lady in the ward and we had a place to live. I really hope this is all a sign of better things to come. Pete has an interview with Harold at Smith's in the morning. It is just a temporary job but at least it is a step toward normalcy. If we could get another car we would be able to juggle it better.

It is nice to be where my family is able to help with the juggle that will need to happen when Pete goes back to work. I still worry about him but I think everything is going to be okay.

Just a few things....

2010-02-20T17:15:00.000-08:00

I have a few things to get off my chest so I can let them go.

Firstly... Lainey. I am so disappointed. She just had a baby which I am sure is not a secret. That isn't even what disappoints me, I can't be hypocritical except for the fact that she just turned 18. She has this baby, admits to Pete one boy is the father, I know he is the father, there is no way she wasn't even seeing the other guy for the timing to be right, but she announces to the world that the second guy is the father. I just wish she could break the cycle started by her mother. Her mother didn't tell Pete for 13 years that Lainey was his daughter. She didn't tell Lainey for 15 years that Pete was her father and then at 16 she moved in with us, with all the problems her mother taught her, there was never a chance. I am mostly mad at her mother for being such a poor example to her daughter. What kind of mother does that? I know I have no right to judge, but who keeps a daughter from knowing her father, especially when that father might be able to help the situation. Sometimes the emotional stability is more important than the pettiness of keeping a child away from his or her father. I don't care what the reason... if you're scared, get the courts involved, but this is bogus. nuff said, now I can let it go.

Other things... Forgiveness, I have actually learned a lot of this in the past few years. The hardest thing I have ever had to do is forgive myself. Other people, I have learned to forgive, even when I wasn't the one that was directly hurt. I have to try and teach my family about forgiveness, when I am hurting because of the actions of others. I have learned to let things go and give people a chance to change. I have so many people I have felt wronged me in the past. Gradually I have been able to let the deepest hurts go. I feel free and the thing that saddens me the most is the inability of others to forgive the people in their life that may have intentionally hurt them, sadly it is those that refuse to forgive that will suffer the most. Who am I not to forgive, when Christ forgave me for everything I have done to hurt others of his children. This is just what has been on my mind lately and as this is my outlet, I needed to let it go and move on with some new dreams. I was reading Anita Stansfield's books - A Far, Far Better Place, which brought out this topic of forgiveness. There were so many issues dredged up in the past of these characters that needed forgiving. They weren't free until they were able to let go. I want to be that free. Free down into my soul. I feel some of it and I know I have a ways to go.

I only ask that if I have slighted you intentionally or not, I ask that you forgive me. I am trying to forgive and let go, but forgetting sometimes leave you open to history repeating itself. So I won't forget but I won't dredge it up either. Its not worth it to me.

Time to update.

2010-02-20T10:58:00.000-08:00

According to Pete, I needed to post something new on my blog. We have been busy. I started my new job on the 8th and we have been working on getting into our new place. It is just a little nuts around here. I am glad we live close to my parents. With just one car, Pete sometimes gets stranded since I work about 45 minutes away. Luckily until we can find something else he has been able to borrow a car from mom and dad to take care of things he needs to do and also have someone to keep an eye on Wyatt.

We have most everything unpacked but things still don't all have a place. So there's still some feelings of displacement.

I will try to update again when I have more to say.

We're Movin' Out!

2010-01-28T16:34:00.000-08:00

We have been moving out my parent's house for the last week or so. On top of this... we are both fighting colds. It has been interesting. We have been trying to gather the things we need. Things we had a few months ago, but darn it if we didn't have to get rid of a bunch to get everything in storage. I am tired and sick and ready to be done, but some progress has been made.

The house we found doesn't have a dishwasher, but we found a portable one that was $600 three days ago for $200 yesterday. It was such a great find and made it a feasible purchase a lot sooner.

We have beds together and most of the kitchen put away. The bathroom is mostly ready, but there are still a lot of boxes... UGH it never ends.

On the whole I feel blessed in the things that have gotten us to this point so don't think that is where i am going. Just a little stress trying to get in before I start my job on the 8th.

Things learned when your world falls apart.

2010-01-13T12:20:00.000-08:00

Now that most of our crisis is over I have time to reflect. I am grateful for the blessings and tender mercies I saw through most of Pete's illness. They helped me keep perspective and get through.

First of all - I found I was strong enough to go through that. The only thing harder would have been having one of the boys sick, but even then I would be grateful for Pete being there to lean on.

I also remembered I do have a testimony of Jesus Christ and his love for us. Our prayers are answered. Sometimes this happens in ways I didn't think of, but somehow everything worked out. Its funny sometimes how your solutions are not always Heavenly Father's. I am very thankful for a Relief Society president that listens and understands me but also listens to promptings of the holy ghost.

I realized children are resiliant. My boys put up with a lot of shuffling and time away from mommy. Friends and family were so supportive through all of it.

I learned that true friends aren't necessarily the kind you hang out with all the time. I had friends that I haven't talked to for years inspire me and give me the comfort that I needed.

I have been amazed by the softening I have seen in Pete, There is still conflict, I can see that, but I can see the strides he has taken through this whole thing. I know that the conflict will get worse, that is the way of it, but he will come through a much better man, and he is already pretty good.

I know things happen for a reason and I am no believer in coincidence.

I also felt for the first time that I want to get myself ready to go to the Temple. This is the first time in my life I have felt this desire. I am so grateful for the Atonement, I am trying to work my way back to where I need to be.

Going to try this...

2010-01-06T19:14:00.000-08:00

If anyone is interested I am starting a blog about books. I love them and thought we could share recommendations and reviews, if you want to be an author on the blog, let me know your email address and I will add you.

http://bookworms-r-us.blogspot.com/

The Challenge.

2010-01-04T08:47:00.000-08:00

My sister Devri is about the only person who could convince Pete to do this. I made up my mind a long time ago not to push and to just let him do what he was going to do. He has been going to church with me since we moved in with my parents barring a few weeks when he really wasn't feeling well. Anyway, Devri challenged him to race her reading the Book of Mormon. I was suprised when after some thought he agreed. We have been looking for a Replica of the 1833 edition. It was the first edition released. He is hoping that will make it more like a book for him. I am happy to help him look for one since I wouldn't mind a copy myself.

I told him not to do this for me and to make sure he was serious about it if he were to do it. We haven't started yet since we haven't found the copy he wants, but we will start soon. We are in Salt Lake for a check up and plan to search the Deseret Book Stores in the area.

Maybe I should take this opportunity to read again on my own, I know I will read some with him. Anyone have any good recomendations for books that might help?

Humanitarian Bowl

2010-01-03T17:12:00.001-08:00

2009 ended with a bang for us and thousands of Vandal fans. Our team, under the leadership of Robb Akey, made to and won the Humanitarian Bowl. Pete and I went with a couple of friends. In spite of the horrid blue turf we had fun! The weather was beautiful and we enjoyed a great game. The Vandals nearly gave us a coronary when they were behind with 30 seconds left in the game. We were leaving and then the Vandals pulled out the best drive in the whole game and capped it off with a two point conversion to win it! It was incredible being there with all our fellow Vandals. We stayed for the trophy ceremony and Pete nearly got run over by the security team bringing coach Akey for the trophy ceremony. He says it was cool especially since Akey asked if he was okay. I managed not to freeze too bad. I am glad that we went as I am sure we would have regretted staying home.

Grateful for the end of 2009

2010-01-03T17:07:00.000-08:00

As you all know, 2009 was a very long year for us. Along with the Trials came blessing of which I am thankful..

We have been blessed with wonderful family, both his and mine, to help us through this tough year. We have friends that have been blessings with their emotional support and just lending an ear. I wouldn't have made it through the hospital stays without friends and family to take the boys so I could be there for Pete. I just want to thank you all for your love and support and am looking forward to a better year in 2010.

Christmas is coming...

2009-12-13T17:37:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! This year we are going to Lewiston for the holidays to visit with Pete's family. We have been down here for a few months so its probably time to go back for a visit.

Wyatt will be four next Sunday and is mega excited. Jackson won't stop snooping for what is coming for Christmas.

I am hoping that the boys will have a nice Christmas. Things have worked out better than one might hope for Christmas. Thank Heaven for tender mercies, that is what my mom calls them.

I spent most of last week working on my largest project, quilting a quilt for Pete's grandma. I hope that she will love it as much as I think she will.

I have some things to sew for the boys when I can find a free minute. I might be able to get it done and then it is wrap, wrap, wrap...

I have a picture of the boys with Santa and of the quilt, but I don't have them loaded on my computer.

It all looks good.

2009-11-20T11:11:00.000-08:00

We were in Utah this past week. The neurosurgeon says it all looks good, and barring the shunt failing we don't have to go back and see him.

Jackson is looking forward to his first field trip on Dec 4 and is very excited.

Wyatt is doing good and likes to help me with things, but I am sure he wants to go to school and has two more school years before that is possible.

Sometimes I feel like I am drowning.

2009-11-17T10:52:00.000-08:00

The last week or so I swear I feel like I am drowning. I can't keep my head above water and am starting to feel a little depressed. I know the stress of this is showing in the way I treat everyone and I really don't like that trait in myself right now. The money issue is just starting to show. I need a job, I do but I don't even know where to start. I find it hard to do the things i need to do around here. I would love if we could have our own place again, but I would like to stay in this ward. I just don't know what to do right now. I feel like I am drowning. I don't know what I am doing anymore since I am not having to watch Pete so closely. HELP!!!!! I have bills piled up that I have no idea how I will pay. I just need to find me again and I don't know how. I need things to be okay like I know they will. Just having a hard time being patient.

November update

2009-11-04T11:37:00.000-08:00

I just thought I would update and let you all know we are doing well. We are in the midst of follow up and financial crap in relation to the surgery. Boys had fun trunk or treating and then we watched Ethan's last high school football game.

As many of you know I had been away from the church about 7-8 years prior to Pete's illness and with that illness I returned not knowing what else to do. Since coming back every meeting seems to make me cry. Just the massive emotions that have waited way too long to come out. Pete is very supportive through all this and I appreciate that more than he knows. I guess I feel that I have been empty for so long I am being spiritually filled to overflowing.

Pete's illlness has done some good things. It has brought me closer to God again, it has brought me closer to my family both my parents and my boys and Pete. I have worked so hard to see the good and find the end of this... I have had to look beyond the pain of know to find the higher purpose in all of this. It is the only thing that has kept me going.

I thank God for the good friends. Jessica you have no idea what your note meant to me when I was in such a dark place. I am so glad to have reconnected with Janene. We still don't see each other much but at least we connect now. I am so grateful to devri and brian for welcoming us into their home whether it was all of us or just me needing a shower. Thank you Chelsea for watching Wyatt for a few days without me coming to check on him. It was so nice to not worry so much about him. I knew you had it covered even with everything going on in your life. McCallan, Ethan, and Taryn have been wonderful through all of this as well.

I guess I am just feeling surrounded by love and very grateful. My Mother-in-law has been there every time we have needed her and I love her very much. My mom has put up with a lot and I am thankful for her. There are just too many people that have been there for us.

Breathing again....

2009-10-17T08:22:00.000-07:00

Pete is starting to look a million times better. He finally got to sleep and slept pretty well last night. I have to take the boys to a primary activity this morning so I only have a second.

I am feeling like I can breathe again. Not totally at ease that nothing else is going to happen because I know better, but it may feel like we can finally be getting through this.

The surgery made all the difference in the world. I can feel him coming back to me. He hasn't really been himself in such a long time. He has some mood swings, but all in all I am glad he is back. Its funny, he has started treating me like I am breakable, knowing all the things I have done in the last year. Friday he got Jackson ready for school so I could sleep. I missed that guy!

Surgery

2009-10-14T12:38:00.000-07:00

Pete's in surgery now and will be for the next couple hours. Waiting for mom to get here from Dev's. I don't know what I am feeling. A little scared and hopeful. I just want all this to be over.

Unexpected Blessings.

2009-10-13T06:51:00.000-07:00

Be careful what you pray for.... I prayed that Pete would be out of pain and that we would be able to find a way to get him the help he needs.

We got to the emergency room yesterday and finally got the tests that he needed because it was an emergency. They did bloodwork, a CT, and an MRI. The blocked ventricle had gotten worse, The largest cyst had tripled in size. The neuro resident was amazed he hasn't seized yet.

I believe more than ever the Lord looks out for us. This happened in such a way as he didn't get to worse case before it was considered an emergency, but enough so that they want to operate today without worrying about the financial concerns up front. I am having a mixed reaction, but I know that this is probably the best way things could have happened.

I don't know when he is going into surgery but they have him in the Neuro Critical Care Unit at University Hospital. So they are keeping a pretty close eye on him and I have been able to stay with him. I am loving the fact I can get wifi to keep connected to the outside world.

Back to the Emergency Room...

2009-10-12T09:52:00.000-07:00

Pete's head has been hurting a lot more in the last few days and his confusion is getting alarming. We emailed the doctor and he would like us in the emergency room today. I have some clothes to get washed so I can take them and then we are gone. Thoughts and prayers would be much appreciated thanks!

Some Randomness

2009-10-09T09:57:00.001-07:00

Yay! My Vandals are no longer in the bottom teams in the nation. In fact they are ranked 50 which is better than they have done since I started school there. Yay and GO VANDALS! 2 more games until bowl eligible, but I am really trying hard not to get my hopes up.

Ethan has a game tonight.. I hope he does well, he should they are playing West J who hasn't won yet.

I love you all out there in the blogosphere. Hope you are all well!

Just an update...

2009-09-26T20:03:00.000-07:00

I am sorry it has been such a long time since I posted. I just haven't felt like we have done anything noteworthy of late.

We spent Labor Day Weekend with Pete's mom, that was fun. We went to Jackson Hole and Yellowstone. The boys liked that and I have some pictures posted on facebook.

Today my brother, Ethan and I took Wyatt and old rusty up to Foster's potato fields and filled up 11 bags. It was some tough stuff and I am glad I had Ethan's muscles to pack them all. lol

Pete has had ups and downs. He says he feels disconected and can't explain. So we have our DI adventures. I found six of the Work and the Glory books so far. It has been fun. I also found another cute Nativity for my collection. I would love to have my own place and space, but it has been nice to have help for the boys.

LOL I am so tired of canning already and we have tomatoes still to do... We ripped them out of the garden last sunday due to the frost that was coming that night.

Otherwise I think we are good. Just wanted to update.

Starting to get things figured out.

2009-09-02T07:04:00.000-07:00

Went to health and welfare yesterday. I had a question about my benefits, anyway.... While I was there they told me if we had a letter proving he couldn't work and therefore unable to draw unemployment, I could get Pete on Medicaid. We already had the letter in the works so this was good news. He found out also that he would get a break on child support while he isn't working, I also found out that Jackson's optical is covered. His teacher called me the other day and told me he was having trouble seeing the board. We realized then after our own observations, that he was squinting at times to see the TV. I know now why he sits so close. Poor baby, I know how hard it is when you can't see.

The teacher also tried to convince me he was mildly autistic. Its funny none of his doctors, or previous teachers, or speech therapists ever seemed to think that about him. So who knows why she thinks this.

Wyatt has gotten into such tantrums lately. He is usually so sweet, gentle, and helpful. Then, if I tell him he can't have something he wants its like Jekyll and Hyde. What do I do with that kid? lol

Pete's mom is coming for a visit this weekend, it will be nice to see her and the boys miss her and John a whole bunch. I really appreciate having family to lean on but I sure do miss having my own place.

Just finding the groove.

2009-08-10T09:23:00.001-07:00

We went last Friday and got things started for SSI and Disability. We will see how smoothly that goes.

Pete has been having some better days. And the bad days are more okay than bad so I am thankful for that. We have another appointment on Tuesday the 18th. I think he is supposed to have a CT scan that day and then visit with the neurosurgeon. I am hoping for good news like that we won't have to do the shunt, but I am prepared for anything.

I was sitting in Sunday school yesterday not thinking much of it just wanting it to be over, I have never really enjoyed Sunday School, lol. We were talking about Joseph Smith's time in the Liberty Jail (such a contradiction-Liberty Jail). Anyway we were talking about the prayer and the Lord's answer to that prayer (D&C 121 I think) and Sister Young pointed out one thing that the Lord told Joseph. He called him "my son" and that just hit me so hard. It was like this powerful calm or peace or answer for me and everything I was going through. Suddenly I wasn't thinking about my trials I was thinking about how much I truly am loved, by the Lord and by my family. To me "My son" meant "my daughter". Even now typing this I am filled with those same feelings. Just like a warm blanket.

The other thing that was pointed out in this was perspective. The Lord told Joseph his trials would be but a small moment. I realized that I had been coping with everything better when I looked past the trials and found the blessings and the changes for the good in my life and in my family. I hope you will all bear with me I am just trying to record this for me as it is my outlet. I find that the more I separate myself from the now perspective and turn toward something more eternal I am able to cope better and find myself less overwhelmed.

I have always known the Lord was looking out for my family, things have worked out too perfectly sometimes for there not to have been some divine intervention.

My boys are doing alright here. Jackson is getting ready to go to school. I am sending him to Ririe for now. He will get to ride the bus and he loves that. The school supply list is a little daunting. Wyatt and Jackson are loving all this room I think. They have been playing.

We went to get wood the other day with my mom and Wyatt and Jackson were both busy. Jackson played and helped as he could carry logs. Wyatt helped carry logs to the trailer and then rolled the ones he couldn't lift. I think he worked as hard as any of us, but I think his effort was greater. Before that he was all over the hill getting huckleberries, there weren't many but he was there with us. Both boys were tired that night.

Trial by fire

2009-08-04T07:19:00.001-07:00

I know at least that they want to treat Pete for 18 months. We still have the neurosurgeon today so we will see how that goes. We need to go back to the Infectious Disease Clinic in two weeks.

On my mind are the following things:

1) They want to give Pete another MRI, but here is the rub. Their financial advocate can only discount the price and then have us give a fifty percent down payment at time of service. He estimated this on the phone for me at $400. I don't have that. So I need to figure out my way around all this to get Pete the care he needs. These stupid people were told we were broke and no insurance or jobs. I am hoping this is still the right thing to do when everything told us to do it. I am with Pete and starting to doubt but will work through it.

2) I need a job. The doctor told Pete he would likely not be able to work for the next 18 months. So I need to find a job. Simple enough if not complicated by the fact that Pete needs to be in SLC for treatments or checkups every few weeks and if they decide to shunt his brain he will need to be admitted to the hospital. What do I do with this?

3) I want to be there for Pete, and the boys, and take care of everything I need to do for my family. I am supposed to be the strong one and balance all this, but I don't know how. We need some income for gas and some food and to pay the cell phone, but his unemployment doesn't last forever and I am not sure how much longer we can file anyway.

I am sure that the purpose of this is to come out stronger on the other side, but it doesn't make it any easier for me to do all I need to do for my family.

Life in Ririe

2009-07-31T22:21:00.000-07:00

I feel so displaced. We gave up our apartment, some of our stuff, other stuff went into storage. I am so lost right now. I am waiting in limbo for the answers we need. I wish that this would go faster, Monday needs to get here. I hope we can wait that long. Poor Pete is just having some bad days. I need this out of his brain. I want him back.

Also hanging in the balance is where I am sending Jackson to first grade. It is so hard to know what to do. I don't know how we will find someplace to live. I am holding onto the faith that this will turn out the way it is supposed to turn out. I am running out of strength. Luckily this time I am surrounded by family. It helps. I still want to run away, but I don't know where I would go.

I need to keep myself occupied. Find a job would be a good place to start, but even so I don't know what kind of treatment they want to do.

Back to where I started....

2009-07-25T20:39:00.000-07:00

We made it down to Ririe. It was a long and basically uneventful trip. Wyatt decided to liven things up on both sides of Lolo Pass by getting carsick... I was driving once and Pete drove the other time. Just a winding road and he was sitting in the sun. I thought I was prepared, but we still had to change his clothes once... The second time I had a barf bag out quicker...

We are here and have doctor appointments next Monday and Tuesday. Happy anniversary to us. I just hope they can get this figured out and we are on a where do we go from here path.

Moving on...

2009-07-24T15:57:00.000-07:00

Tonight will be our last night in Lewiston for a long time.. I know we will be back for visits since Pete's mom and grandma are here and his dad is in Craigmont.

The car is packed and all we have to do is a little cleaning tonight before we hit the road in the morning. Everything has pointed to this being what we need to do, but that doesn't stop the mixed feelings surrounding this.

I pray that the doctors are able to get us through this and get Pete well again. I pray that I will be able to find a job and get an income going for our little family. I thank Him for our friends and family who have been so good and supportive through this whole ordeal. I hope this is the beginning of the end of this illness and bad spell.

Thank you all for everything and I will see you on the flip side.

Our Leap of Faith...

2009-07-17T12:26:00.000-07:00

Wow so many changes suddenly happening...We are packing up the apartment so we don't have the bills to worry about in case of an extended utah stay... I am guessing we have to be in the general area for treatments and follow up for the next 18 months... We will put things in storage in Pete's grandma's garage until we find someplace to settle. Pete told me the other day that he feels that is where we need to me. It is so refreshing to hear him put it that way and that it is his idea...

He has appointments on the 3rd and 4th of August. The 4th stinks because it is our anniversery, maybe i could convince one of my sisters to let us go out, hint hint..

Lainey will be staying up here under the care of one of her friend's family.

I don't know where Jackson will continue his schooling, I think I will have him start first grade in Ririe if we haven't settled before then. Hopefully I can find some job opportunity. We will be leaving Lewiston behind next Friday, my mother in law and her friend and possibly her mother will be taking care of finishing the cleaning and painting.

We decided it would be cumbersome to move some of our larger furniture that we were going to part with at some point anyway so we gave it to one of our friends. We decided the love and support we have been given it would only be right to share that with our friends. Why sell it and deny us the blessing of serving someone else?

Will this ever end?

2009-07-09T20:31:00.001-07:00

I would love to give you a positive update, I really would. Pete had an MRI this morning and he has five cryptococcal cysts on his brain. What am I supposed to do with this?

They are changing his medications. We are looking at longer hospital stay and possibly brain surgery to drain the cysts... I can't take much more and I really, really don't want to lose him.

Hospital Update.... boy this seems redundant.

2009-06-27T19:17:00.000-07:00

Okay so barring any major revelations when the cultures come back, Pete is in the hospital for two weeks. Following the hospital stay there will be SIX MONTHS of treatment. I think one of the doctors is talking to a neurologist about his memory loss. I know there are some doctors from Spokane interested in his case and the CDC is going to be involved somehow.

The boys and I have been visiting him every day. He missed Jackson's last tee-ball game on Thursday. Also, he will be in the hospital on Jackson's birthday. I am not sure how we are going to work that.

Pete has promised me that we will still be able to go to Ririe but we will likely miss most of the camping trip. We really did want to go, but this stupid illness came back. I would like to see any of you that want to see me LOL.

I can't take this again!

2009-06-24T21:39:00.000-07:00

Pete is back in the hospital again. Obviously we hadn't licked this quite as much as we thought. He is much better going in than he was at any point in the hospital last time. I won't know for sure how long he will be in this time until the cultures come back in five days. So the stay will be five days to two weeks, but he will be five days into treatment when the cultures come back. I just don't know how long I can do this and this may or may not mess up our plans to go to Ririe. At least he is alert. I think I can deal with bored better than groggy.

Summer Progressing

2009-06-19T16:59:00.000-07:00

Two Tee-ball games left and swimming lessons just finished on Wednesday, though strangely Wyatt was not wanting to go.

I went to LCSC and talked about what I would need to do to go into the nursing program and then filled out my fafsa. I am at the point now that I need to decide what I am doing. I have a few applications out there that I am interested in, but one would have me moving out of the valley. I just don't know what I need to do at this point. So its going to take some more thought and prayer and maybe just a leap. For the first time since we got married, Pete is truly open to moving to another area. His illness just shook us both up.

Pete and I have been trying to figure out how we are going to go camping with my family. It would be fun if we could go to Harry Potter with family members while I was there since we are talking about staying at least a week and maybe through the next weekend so I can see Rebekah and Jon's family and maybe check out Ririe Days. I almost think they need to tack on all the class reunions to Ririe days to get a better turn out for both. I am going to email Annikah about that.

Summer is here, Kinda...

2009-06-10T22:55:00.000-07:00

School's out, of this much I am sure. Beyond that, the weather has been nice with a mixture of not so nice. Thus my hesitation on calling it summer. The temperatures are close to perfect and not to hot which is a pleasant suprise, I don't expect it to last, thankfully the AC can help.

Boys are busy. We are tee balling through the month with Jackson, and both boys are taking swimming lessons. Jackson is starting to relax enough to get some buoyancy and Wyatt can kick like nobody's business and has no trouble jumping off the side to Pete's waiting arms. He has been in the water with them helping out. They both love it and are exhausted by the time they get home.

I have an appointment next Monday with admissions at LCSC. I am seriously thinking about going back for a second degree. Nursing, go figure.

We are trying desperately to make it down to Ririe in July. Most likely, if we can make it happen, we will drive down on the 9th and stay for a week. I am crossing my fingers.

Family Update

2009-06-02T15:57:00.000-07:00

We are doing pretty well. This year of school is almost done. Thursday is the last day for Jackson and Lainey. Pete and I are still looking for work, though I am seriously considering going back to school for nursing. Pete has finished his meds and is doing better, his still trying to regulate himself back to what life was before.

He is definitely changed since the hospital. he seems more sensative to some things. We are both really starting to feel the stress of the current situation. I just need someone to take a chance on me or on him or both.

I have been going back to church more regularly and taking the boys. Jackson loves his primary class. Devri, you are wonderful for sending those quiet books and the board books and Legacy and the Testaments, I love those movies, and the support helps so much.

Pete says he will go with me if I need him to, but I don't want to make him do anything. He will come when he is ready.

It helps that one of the moms at Jackson's school that i have talked to quite a bit is in my ward. Those boys will probably hang out quite a bit. I still feel so out of place its crazy. Some of the older ladies have been telling me that my boys do a little better each week. They seem very supportive. Luckily I also know a few people from previous employment. Just a few familiar faces help. I have been sitting on a row either in front of or behind another family with small children. The books go back and forth over the bench. She shares with us and we share with them. I really need to get her name.

Facebook | Your Photos - Put Me In Coach!

2009-05-28T16:38:00.000-07:00

Facebook Your Photos - Put Me In Coach!

Pictures of the boys - too many to upload.

Well that was fun...

2009-05-13T20:44:00.000-07:00

For this weeks interviews... Regence went alright I am not holding my breath considering the past history - there are 4-6 openings so maybe. ATK told me that I would be happier taking my degree someplace else... LOL Its okay I am not sure I really I wanted to make bullets anyway...

Jackson started t-ball tonight, he wanted to bat. That is all. We will see how that goes. HE was doing better at least stopping the ball. I told him if he couldn't get it with his glove to stop it with his body. He took that to heart by sticking his foot out a couple times to stop it. He did get one that bounced into his glove. It blows my mind that my baby is playing tee ball. Wyatt had fun playing on the playground with one of Jackson's teammate's sister.

Another Interview

2009-05-08T12:06:00.000-07:00

I have another interview on Wednesday at ATK, I just have a hard time hoping things are going to look up.

small update.

2009-05-07T12:40:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! Anyway I am not sure about posting this or not... Superstitious I suppose. I have some testing and a possible interview on Monday - it is at Regence so the insurance is awesome. I am just not holding my breath since things seem to not work out for things I apply for there. Anyway just thought I would let you know.

Hi all...

2009-04-29T20:32:00.000-07:00

Okay so I am probably due an update. Car. Check. Pete Home. CHECK!

Pete is still having to work through this -- slow to incubate - slow to go away-- He has good and bad days. It seems two steps forward, one back, but all in all he is doing a lot better.

Lainey has been visiting with the Missionaries lately and has been reading the Book of Mormon. It suprised me. They were here checking on Pete and on me and she volunteered that she wanted to find a church. I think it is wonderful that she is looking for any guidance. She went with me to stake conference, but was sick last week. So we will see what happens this week. I need to get those boys to be good. I know they need to get used to it but any ideas will help. Pete is very supportive of all of this even though he isn't ready for it himself. As far as I am concerned, most of this (at least on my part) is due to him being so sick and me finding myself in a dark place (a few posts back) I hadn't been in that place since before I knew Pete. One way or the other this time it brought me back at least the part of me I have supressed for so long to reduce the conflict I was feeling at that point and time (all of 2001 most of 2002) Long story and not for the blogs. SO I guess I am back or at least working back to that point.

Have about five crochet projects going - will have to post pictures as I finish them, though one is a familiar pattern - slightly different yarn.

Excited!

2009-04-20T19:09:00.001-07:00

Pete's mom did a wonderful thing and bought us a more dependable mode of transportation. She worried about our current vehicles on our trips to see my mom. I am so grateful to her for this gift. She seems as excited about it as we are. We picked it out on Saturday at Tyler and Kelly here in Lewiston. Here are some pics to share. I love, love, LOVE the color.

Easter Pictures

2009-04-20T18:39:00.000-07:00

These are the boys over easter. They had a lot of fun hunting eggs at Ma's house. They got fruit in their easter baskets instead of a lot of candy. They just seem to like it better.

YAY!

2009-04-15T14:12:00.001-07:00

Pete finally came home yesterday, we aren't at the end of this by a long shot but at least he is home. So now it is back to normal activities like taking Jackson and Wyatt for haircuts they have been whining about for awhile now. Maybe I will get my eyebrows waxed while I am there.

Made cupcakes last night for Jackson's in school "birthday" since his birthday is in July. I waited until he was in bed, I am so glad I did. Frosting them this morning and adding sprinkles was adventure enough with both boys. Then I took Jackson and his cupcakes to school. He wanted to take them by himself, I didn't think that would work too well. Give me a couple days and I will post some pictures from easter.

Going on Three weeks.

2009-04-11T22:20:00.001-07:00

Rebekah, I am tired of this. We are going on three weeks and that is just the hospital. We were at least four of being sick before that.

I am tired. I am running out of strength. I want to run away and I am running out of babysitters. This better not last much longer. I need this to end. I know there is a reason for this, there has to be, but seriously. I am done! I am running out of what I can handle!

More updates.

2009-04-07T22:47:00.001-07:00

My blog is becoming very Pete-centric. That will change when he finally gets home.

Wyatt and I have been hanging out at the hospital while Jackson is in school now that spring break is over. It looks like he will be in there until next Monday. He wants me to bring in lunch for the three of us tomorrow. That will be fun if you can call it that.

Having him in the Hospital until Monday gets him off the IV medications and the very expensive medications. They can help him with the nausea and headaches better than I can..I hate having him gone but I really don't want to take him back.

So Easter is going to be interesting. I think I will take something for the boys to Pete before then so he can give it to them. We will do baskets/easter egg hunt at his mom's house and then visit him on Easter. I need to figure out something to take for him.

Such a long couple of months. One bright spot - I got another extension on unemployment.

Quick Update...

2009-04-03T00:42:00.000-07:00

It is looking like Pete can come home on Monday - the doctor said Tomorrow except for the IV narcotics he is still on for Pain.

Monday Update...

2009-03-30T22:53:00.001-07:00

Things are looking up at least where his health is concerned. There are other worries for other days.

Anyway - He has been up and around some today, though not without its challenges. The IVs came out and were replaced with a picc catheder. This allows all the tubes he needs to go into his arms and frees up his hands. This will also let him get the IV meds after he leaves the hospital.

The medicine they were giving him for pain didn't work and caused hallucinations so the doctor got him off of it today and his head cleared. We are still working on the pain, but still its getting a little better. He is eating more and is talking about coming home. His color was better and that helped. We still have a fight, but at least this is looking better.

Thank you for all your love and support and your prayers, they are still needed.

Sitting alone, trying to be strong for all those that need me...

2009-03-30T00:16:00.000-07:00

I hate nights sitting alone. I haven't felt this alone in at least six years. I feel the love and support of everyone through this challenge, but sometimes I still feel like I am facing it alone. These last few months have been one thing after another, and then when something looked up for a second where I could catch my breath and hope to make plans, something else came raining down on me. They say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and that after the trials come the blessings, at this moment all I can say is, this better be good.

I feel torn the whole time, I need to be with Pete, he is my life, and I need to be with my boys, they are my life as well. They are also confused and don't know what is going on around them. They know that daddy is sick and in the hospital and they know they want to go with Mommy when she leaves. Lainey is on spring break and being the teenager she wants to have fun and play with her friends. I understand that as well which is partly why it is difficult to tell her no when she is helping me so much right now, but she keeps pusing me for more, knowing exactly what she is doing. I don't think she quite grasps the concept of family sometimes. I hate the dejected look that follows a maybe or a no. She just doesn't understand that there are reasons behind it and that sometimes she can accept a no without pouting, but I guess that is just teenagers.

Pete's mom is driving me nuts, she tells me I have to do this, and I have to do that, and she is googling all the bad stuff to make me and her insane. She is worried and I understand, but does she see how I need to be with him and I probably grasp the situation as well if not better than she does. I have to be positive or I break down and I can't break down because I have to be strong for everyone. It's like I told Lainey I am supreme commander of this universe. I don't think she completely gets that either.

I tried several times to leave tonight, but he needed me. His head hurt him so bad. How can I leave when he is like that? He was babbling incoherently and he was frustrated that I didn't understand. I tried, but he is on so many meds.

So the to do list *partially according to his mother, some duh included.

1. Get a job, and I think I am supposed to do this while he is in the hospital, but if I do this we don't qualify for the help to get this paid for which means massive bills because still no insurance and it wouldn't likely be covered anyway

2. Find a doctor for him and myself. This one is from his mother. I am trying to keep it all in the hospital so i am only in debt there.

3. Keep up with my online class so it can help me accomplish #1.

Other misc. to do.

Make sure my boys and Lainey know they are loved and cared for even if I am not around a lot.

Get my house in order, do you know how hard it is to keep something clean when you are worried about someone else and sorta feel crummy yourself. Add two boys making a mess and you have nearly impossible. another factor, not my strong suit to begin with.

Try to stay strong for Pete, the boys, Lainey, and My mother in law.

When do I get to fall apart? Never. It is my job to be the strong one.

And the newest diagnosis in our series.....

2009-03-28T20:02:00.000-07:00

Cryptococcal Menengitis. They started him on antifungal medication through the IV this evening and it seems like it is already helping. He ate part of a sandwich and some chips. This is more than he has eaten in a few weeks and he seemed to be holding it down. I think they finally got it right which makes me feel better.

Doctors....

2009-03-27T14:19:00.000-07:00

They got the cultures back today. He doesn't have bacterial, its viral. So they just manage his pain and nausea. Trying to get him to keep down food. It will be at least another overnight in the hospital. This is a tough thing for me to go through. I can only imagine how it is for him.

Does it ever end?

2009-03-26T19:42:00.001-07:00

Pete has been diagnosed with Bacterial Menengitis. So he gets to stay in the hospital at least overnight and the rest of us are blessed with taking antibiotics.

Some baby booties.

2009-03-19T17:47:00.000-07:00

I am going to add ribbon to these in pink or blue and I am also going to try a different pattern. I like the ones Grandma makes so much better. I will post pictures of other projects as I take pictures of them. I have an afghan that is going to take awhile that I am making for Pete.

Pictures of the stitches

2009-03-19T17:38:00.000-07:00

Some of these are not so great, but they are what they are.

Sick, Sick, Sick, and an ER Trip!

2009-03-05T23:21:00.000-08:00

We have had sick around our house for about two weeks. Last week we took Wyatt to the doctor with an ear infection. He did pretty well, but he and Jackson both had sore ears and coughs.

I have had a sore throat, headache, cough and massive chest congestion. Pete has been down with a migraine and sinus trouble. He has had symptoms all over the map making the headaches worse. I want this all to be over, I thought Pete was feeling better today except he had been sleeping so much that he didn't sleep last night so it was hitting him again tonight.

Today I was in the other room and all of the sudded I hear this screeching from Jackson. He had cut his hand on a glass that I should have thrown away two days ago. It was cracked and the boys must have finished breaking it. I had blood all over my kitchen. I grabbed the closest dishtowel until I could look at it, Pete said it was a long gash so it was off to Valley Medical for the express care, the doctor there wasn't very gentle and we couldn't get Jackson to calm down. So they sent us to the ER where they could sedate him if necessary.

So we got to the ER, had Pete's mom pick up Wyatt and waited a little bit. Luckily a kid holding a bloody towel will bump you up in line in the ER. He got in and while we were waiting for a doctor they brought in three ambulances from a fire downtown. So the PA came in to stich up his finger. He was under Pete's coat so we didn't notice he wet his pants while he was waiting. I think he was just so traumatized. I went home and Pete stayed with him. He got to meet a fireman. I brought back some new clothes for Jackson and a new shirt for Pete. When I got there he was all stiched up and happy again. I will post the pictures later I need a minute to get them off of my cameras. He came out of the hospital with three stitches, a couple of latex gloves, a stuffed dog (the ones that people make and donate), a bunch of stickers and some bandaids that he refuses to use.

Now I am in the middle of making a King Cake for Lainey's school project tomorrow. Needless to say it has been a long day.

Pay It Forward

2009-02-21T15:25:00.000-08:00

I found this one on one of my old roommates' blog.

So, here's how this game works-the first 3 people to leave a comment on this post will receive, at some point during the year, a handmade gift from me. What it will be and when it will arrive is a total surprise! The catch is that you must participate as well. Before you leave your comment, write up a pay it forward post on your blog to keep the fun going (or be lazy and copy and paste like I did). Then come back, let me know you're going to play and sit back and anticipate the arrival of your gift! Send me an email with your address, to: emilyflynn@idahovandals.com

Remember only the first three get a gift....so be quick!

My Crocheting...

2009-02-20T20:47:00.000-08:00

I like to have projects to work on while I watch TV and stuff, but I really like the feel of the soft yarns... They are easier to use as well. So, I am thinking of doing a lot of baby stuff and seeing what else I can come up with. I am going to have to get a tote for all the finished projects... my new gift stash!

My first baby afghan

2009-02-17T22:43:00.000-08:00

Latest project and job update...

2009-02-09T15:34:00.000-08:00

So I am working on a baby afghan... Don't ask me why... My sisters are not having kids right now and I am not sure of anyone that is but I am making a white baby afghan because I can... So I need family or a close friend to have a baby like this summer lol...

So I had an interview on Friday. My Mother-in-Law's husband set it up for me. I am still waiting to hear back. It would be a self reliance worker for the state helping with Welfare and that... I got a call this morning from a recruiter that I heard from last week about a computer job. Both these jobs pay about the same and both are temporary.. the computer job is 10-12 weeks with a chance of becoming permanent and the self reliance specialist is 9 months with no promise of a permanent position. I just hope something works out and pray for it as well. Either one would be good money. I would love to persue the computer job since that is what I wanted to do when I started college. The other job is helping people and I would like it too... I just need one of these to work out.