Sunday, February 21, 2010

Surreal, but nice...

The last month or so has been pretty surreal, first I got a job and then before the week was out my mom has talked to a lady in the ward and we had a place to live. I really hope this is all a sign of better things to come. Pete has an interview with Harold at Smith's in the morning. It is just a temporary job but at least it is a step toward normalcy. If we could get another car we would be able to juggle it better.

It is nice to be where my family is able to help with the juggle that will need to happen when Pete goes back to work. I still worry about him but I think everything is going to be okay.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Just a few things....

I have a few things to get off my chest so I can let them go.

Firstly... Lainey. I am so disappointed. She just had a baby which I am sure is not a secret. That isn't even what disappoints me, I can't be hypocritical except for the fact that she just turned 18. She has this baby, admits to Pete one boy is the father, I know he is the father, there is no way she wasn't even seeing the other guy for the timing to be right, but she announces to the world that the second guy is the father. I just wish she could break the cycle started by her mother. Her mother didn't tell Pete for 13 years that Lainey was his daughter. She didn't tell Lainey for 15 years that Pete was her father and then at 16 she moved in with us, with all the problems her mother taught her, there was never a chance. I am mostly mad at her mother for being such a poor example to her daughter. What kind of mother does that? I know I have no right to judge, but who keeps a daughter from knowing her father, especially when that father might be able to help the situation. Sometimes the emotional stability is more important than the pettiness of keeping a child away from his or her father. I don't care what the reason... if you're scared, get the courts involved, but this is bogus. nuff said, now I can let it go.

Other things... Forgiveness, I have actually learned a lot of this in the past few years. The hardest thing I have ever had to do is forgive myself. Other people, I have learned to forgive, even when I wasn't the one that was directly hurt. I have to try and teach my family about forgiveness, when I am hurting because of the actions of others. I have learned to let things go and give people a chance to change. I have so many people I have felt wronged me in the past. Gradually I have been able to let the deepest hurts go. I feel free and the thing that saddens me the most is the inability of others to forgive the people in their life that may have intentionally hurt them, sadly it is those that refuse to forgive that will suffer the most. Who am I not to forgive, when Christ forgave me for everything I have done to hurt others of his children. This is just what has been on my mind lately and as this is my outlet, I needed to let it go and move on with some new dreams. I was reading Anita Stansfield's books - A Far, Far Better Place, which brought out this topic of forgiveness. There were so many issues dredged up in the past of these characters that needed forgiving. They weren't free until they were able to let go. I want to be that free. Free down into my soul. I feel some of it and I know I have a ways to go.

I only ask that if I have slighted you intentionally or not, I ask that you forgive me. I am trying to forgive and let go, but forgetting sometimes leave you open to history repeating itself. So I won't forget but I won't dredge it up either. Its not worth it to me.

Time to update.

According to Pete, I needed to post something new on my blog. We have been busy. I started my new job on the 8th and we have been working on getting into our new place. It is just a little nuts around here. I am glad we live close to my parents. With just one car, Pete sometimes gets stranded since I work about 45 minutes away. Luckily until we can find something else he has been able to borrow a car from mom and dad to take care of things he needs to do and also have someone to keep an eye on Wyatt.

We have most everything unpacked but things still don't all have a place. So there's still some feelings of displacement.

I will try to update again when I have more to say.