Saturday, December 6, 2014

So much to be thankful for.

It is the time of year when people reflect on the things for which they are grateful. The first thing that crosses my mind, is that I am grateful for a loving Father in Heaven who knows us each on an individual level. Sometimes, that is a scary thought, but there is no other description.

In the last couple weeks I have been laid off and found new employment. I have been looking for a new place since August when I graduated with delays due to the bureaucracy of licensure. That aside, I marvel at the precision in which things happen. Due to the layoff, I have the opportunity of severance pay which only happens if I don't quit early. So in order to do that I requested during an interview to be able to start after the first of the year. The holidays make things complicated anyway so it wasn't an outlandish request.

Anyway, things worked out so I will be able to start shortly after my position at Ricoh ends. Even as my supervisor was breaking the news, I felt calm. I was grateful for a job that allowed me to take care of my family during a very busy time of my life when I needed something flexible. I couldn't have done it without the flexibility of the job that I have had. So instead of tears, I had gratitude.

These last two and a half years have been an amazing lesson in just how many little details our Heavenly Father pays attention to in our lives. We have had enough to pay our bills. We have had friends who have helped with the kids when we needed it. I have developed relationships with amazing people. At the same time I have learned a lot about me and how I feel about different things. I have grown in ways I never thought possible.

Right now, I just feel grateful and loved. It is those tender mercies that come that keep me going. It is often difficult to discern them during a very difficult situation, but when I look back.... I see my life interlaced with these tender mercies that God blesses us with almost daily.

I just wanted to testify that I know God lives, I know He loves us individually, I know that he grants us calm when it is needed.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

One adventure down, on to the next.

Wow, it's been two years. Two miserable, exhilarating, crazy years..... There are so many mixed emotions that follow me at the end of this journey.

I am excited for a new adventure. At the same time I am completely terrified. Where am I supposed to go, what job am I supposed to take. Will I be able to find a job that will allow me to do what I want to do? I just don't know right now. I have a second interview for a job, but have no idea if it is what I want to do.

Licensure is the immediate concern. I am waiting for my degree to post so I can get my transcripts in order and apply for another huge test. I passed one, but have one more. Nothing like paying for the privilege to take a test that will determine the course of my life.

I have a master's degree - essentially - all that is left is paperwork.. That is insane to me. I never thought it was something I wanted to do. And now the idea of learning more inspires and challenges me. I wouldn't mind going back again, but I think I will wait for awhile, my family deserves some of my time right now.

I have a tendency to thrive on stress. My husband thinks I am a stress junkie. He isn't too far off. I love how productive I can be when a little pressure is on me. I love the challenge. Suddenly the stress that has been holding me together is completely gone. For now it is nice. I was able to enjoy things in my life that I haven't been able to enjoy in the last couple years. I still need to pick up a book, but there is time for that.

So now it is deciding where to go, finding a house, and working to collect my letters behind my name... I just need the guidance I have had the last couple years to continue so that I land where my family and I need to be.

Monday, June 16, 2014

8 More Weeks

So walking was fun, I had the party and the celebration, now I have to go to work to finish. I have 8 weeks in which to accomplish this and I am completely exhausted. It has reached the point where I just want to be done and at the same time I am petrified to have to find a new job and have people trust me to do this for real. Not, that I am not really doing this for my internship, but it just feels weird. I feel like I am still learning.


I have days when I feel like a rock star, that I am helping people and making a difference. I have other days where I just want to hide under a desk and hope no one finds me. I am told this is very normal. Don't get me wrong, I love this, this is what I was born to do and I feel that more than anything. This is what gives me faith to do the final push. 8 more weeks.... it feels like torture.


I love my boys for putting up with this including some very extreme mood swings when I feel overwhelmed. I sent Pete to his mom's with the boys a couple weeks ago just to eliminate distractions while I pushed to finish one class.


I calculated the other day and if I can continue with my hours the way I have been, I will be able to finish my internship in time.


I miss my life. I miss my books, I can't wait to return to them like old friends, maybe read with the boys again. I miss weekends, I miss church, if anything I can't wait to renew that experience in my life. I would love to have a balance again. If there has been anything neglected in my life it is balance. Self-care has been missing as well as time with my family. I don't think they are even going to see much of me this week. Its okay... I can do this, I can do anything for just 8 more weeks.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Finding a moment to post

I'm back, not sure for how long, but here I am. I felt like I was neglecting my blog. Sometimes I get so busy I forget about it. I love it when Pete posts and I can see it all from his perspective.


Right now I am looking over some material for class tonight and it hits very close to home. I have been struggling with long buried feelings surrounding Pete's illness. Hopefully I can get through tonight without too much drama.


It is surreal to me that a journey that began two years ago will finish at the end of the summer. It leaves me frightened about the fact I have to move on with what I have been training for. I have so many questions and not many answers at the moment. My friend last night reminded me that I am in the Lord's hands. I have to hold onto that and it was a good reminder.


I love what I am doing, I never knew I could feel such satisfaction and terror all at the same time.


I can't wait to feel what it is to actually have a weekend again. They have been few and far between. My kids might not know what to do with having a mommy again.


I still have it - as evidenced by a scholarship I have been awarded - for the semester AFTER I graduate. This might sound overly confident, but I need it to get through what I am doing (the confidence).


Graduation is on May 7th - Pete protests because it is his birthday but I know he is all bluster on that one. Unfortunately after that I have one more semester to go and two really big tests.

Friday, December 27, 2013

As one year ends.... 2013 Flynns in Review


2013 a year in review

 

Once again I am having to become the blogger in my family.  So here it goes;

 

In January, I received an interesting email, that back in the beginning of last December, I entered a contest where the WAC had posted pictures around the University of Idaho campus. I answered all five correctly and was one of the first 25 to do so. So I won a gift from the WAC and have been entered to go to Vegas for the WAC championship.  I didn’t win the trip, but that was ok because I was going to be way too busy soon enough.

I learned that my sons do not understand how great snow days from school are. I saw it as getting to watch the Price is Right and other things, no school work, not having to ride the bus, and could go play in the snow later.  Jackson is mad because they had a field trip and it was canceled. Wyatt wanted whatever was on the menu in the lunchroom and was looking forward to learning things that day.  They told me that if they are going to cancel school, why not cancel before they had to wake up. I guess I will need to check the TV before I wake them up when it snows.

February was uneventful until February 13th which was Kassidy’s 17th birthday; I am amazed on how beautiful, smart, independent, and sure of herself that she is.  I am blessed that her stepdad loves her as much or almost as much as me.  He gets more credit for the lady she has become than I do.  Had a wonderful Valentine's Day, it started with the birth of my youngest son, Henry Robert Flynn, 8 lbs 15 3/4 ozs, 21 inches long. He is named for 3 of the best men I have ever known, Henry is the middle name of the of the most honest butcher I ever worked for, Jim Boland, who taught me you could cut meat all day long and still have time to take your kids skiing. Robert is after my dad, and although we do not always see eye to eye, he sometimes can surprise me. Robert is also my step-dad's middle name, so now John was two grandsons named after him. In the afternoon I took Kassidy her birthday present and cheesecake I made for her from scratch. And for dinner that I enjoyed the Prime Rib from the Westside Drive In, that they had on special for couples, but I posted that we were having a baby on that day on their Facebook page and they gave it to me for half of the special price. There was no way I was turning that down! Unfortunately for Emily her stomach was not ready for it. But my Mom enjoyed it and she was watching the older boys.  Emily did get to eat the cream puffs later.

March came and we drove to Utah for Rachel’s baby blessing less than 2 weeks after Henry was born.  Had a wonderful time but Henry was extremely gassy and cranky for most of the night, but the little trooper did really well in the car for the most part.  

 I gained a new respect for Mom's now that I have become Mr. Mom. I remember the first night that Henry has let me sleep in.  I was able to clean up the Tornado that had come through my home. I had enough energy (Yea). So the dishes were clean, kitchen is clean, and even had time to mop the floor, before Henry woke up.

The funniest thing I read this year was from the crime report from the Lewiston Morning Tribune on March 28th.  A 28-year-old man was arrested for open container for allegedly drinking an alcoholic beverage at the unemployment office in Lewiston. Lt. Michael Pedersen of the Lewiston Police Department said when officers tried to speak with the man, he told them he had diplomatic immunity and he was from Russia. And that a man living on the 2100 block of Second Avenue North in Lewiston called police because he believed his ex-wife had come into his home while he was away and ate half a bag of his chips.

I always wondered if they were the same person.

April was a boring month except for Henry was going like a weed. Emily drove by a yard sale and found the cutest curio cabinet that needed a little new glass in the doors, so I replaced them, cleaned it up and spent a lot less than I could have found at a thrift store or new. I think I spent a total of $15 for the cabinet, $30 to replace the glass in the doors and some glass stops to hold the glass in.  So for my $45 investment I received a $400 cabinet.  She loves it, puts her tea cups in it until Christmas time and then she puts all of her Nativity scenes in it.

In May, I became 43, wow where did all the time go, it seems like yesterday I was in my twenties.  During this month, Henry and I watched a lot of Extreme Couponing because I found it funny because I understand the usage of coupons and how much money I can save on things I need or will use soon. I just watched an extreme coupon person buy 456 single serving packages of Oreo’s and hundreds of bottles of flavored water and use over 1000 coupons to do it. Good for her figuring out a way to empty a store of their entire inventory so she can receive $2600 worth of stuff for less than $10. She waited until there was a young checker in the line, because the older ones feel as I do, buy one or two and leave some for someone else, you don't need 20 years supply of dish soap. Watching these TV shows make me sick, it is worse than Hoarders, when their entire home is wall to wall stuff they bought and got for free with their coupons. I am not saying that coupons are bad because I do from time to time use them. And to hear these ladies say that they have addictive personalities is not even close. One of them had to make their college student move his desk to the basement closet so she could move shelving into their office space to store 20 cases of cereal. Damn that is just sick.

June comes, the boys are out of school, I need some time to myself while Henry is taking a nap, so I send the boys to their room to pick it up, while I am loading dishwasher and cleaning my kitchen. I hear Wyatt coming down the stairs gloating that it was a good thing Grandpa bought me needle nose pliers. So my curiosity gets the better of me. "So Wyatt why are the needle nose pliers so important?"   "Because I used them to get out the penny that Jackson stuck in his nose” Well glad to know that my 7 year old is becoming a "Red Neck Physician".  On Father’s day weekend we spent time in Ririe and blessed Henry.

July I decided it was time to give up my manhood of at least the Jetta and buy a 2006 Toyota Sienna minivan.  This thing has all the bells and whistles, heated leather seats, sunroof, I can push a button and open all the doors.  And it is fun to drive.  Was going to give the Jetta to my return missionary brother-in-law but it was decided he needed to buy it.  So I sold my $3000 Jetta to Ethan for $1000, a bargain until he needs to do any repairs.  I learned that VW costs $500 every time it needs fixed.  I went to visit my mom drop off my boys for a visit, celebrate my Grandma’s birthday who also happens to be Jackson’s and I went home with a minivan.  End of July, we drove to Utah for Aaron’s blessing and to deliver the Jetta for Ethan, when he got home in August.

August, Emily and I celebrated our 10th anniversary together, Holy @#$, I can’t believe that anyone could put up with me that long.  That same week was a memorable one at our condo complex.  We had a neighbor have his car reprocessed, the neighbor across have her son need to take a trip in an ambulance.   The boys came home from the summer in Lewiston to start school.  Jackson is in 5th grade now; it seems like yesterday when we started him in developmental preschool.  We also decided that it was time to get him on meds to combat the ADHD.  That was the hardest decision I think Emily and I have ever had to do.  I know that he needed something to help focus him, but did not want to see him become a zombie.  I cannot believe the difference that one little pill can do.  Not only is he getting A’s and B’s but he is enjoying himself and wants to go to school this year.  Wyatt has decided that the terrible 2’s didn’t start until second grade.  He is just a little angrier this year than I would like.   He is doing well in school, but it is like pulling teeth to get him to do his homework every night. 

September was the yearly Family reunion camping trip, this year the cabin was in Island Park, I liked it.  The only thing, I don’t enjoy about these trips is the driving.  It just seems like you spend most of a day in a car and see people for a day or two and then drive again.  And it wouldn’t be a family function without me getting moody at someone.  The end of September, Jackson, Emily, Henry and I attended University of Idaho Homecoming and for the second year in a row, we won BECAUSE I WAS THERE!!!  The athletic department needs to just give me season tickets.  The only games we win, I am at.  Jackson, like Wyatt last year, I think had a fun time, he got to go down on the field and Henry was wonderful, he slept in his car seat during the game and the band wasn’t too loud either.

In October I celebrated my 4th year of surviving brain surgery by purging a bunch of non-friends from my Facebook account.   I went back to my part-time fall job of cutting game.  I realized every year why it is that I only work 6 hours a day/ 4 days a week for about 2 ½ months.  By the end of the season, I am exhausted and never want to see another slimy elk again.  I enjoy doing it, but it is something I can’t do every day anymore.   

November is the month of Emily; it always starts with Remember, remember the 5th of November, for it is Miss Em’s day.  For Thanksgiving this year I cooked a 10# turkey injected with Tony Chachere Creole Butter.  I made Jalapeno Brat Sausage Stuffing, Mashed Potatoes and Gravy, Green Beans w Bacon, Cranberries, rolls and for dessert was Emily's apple pie.  I will admit that I was one of those people who went shopping Thursday night to save money on blu rays.  I bought 14 and spent less than $40.  I did not wait in line; I went after the crowds had left.  It was peaceful.

December started with Henry getting his first, second, third, and not too sure that number fourth teeth isn’t going to be here before New Year’s.   Christmas eve, we started a new tradition, for the first time in my life, we did not open any gifts on Christmas Eve, except for one, it had PJ’s, a movie, popcorn, and movie candy.  We sat downstairs and watched a movie as a family, I liked this so much that we will do this again next year, unless Mom’s idea of going somewhere warm next year goes somewhere.  But on Christmas day the boys decided to open ALL their gifts before Emily could see their reactions.   So she was a little bummed this year.  Mom and John came down and we had Stew for Christmas dinner, I know it sounds lame, but I enjoyed not having to spend the whole day in the kitchen.  On the 26th, Kassidy came for a visit; she opened her Vandal gifts for the year. (A vandal stocking, vandal coffee cup, vandal chocolates, etc.)  Mom, Emily and I became the owners of smart phones, Since my ruggedized flip phone has become expensive to buy a new one, Em and I got I Phones.  It is nice, now we just need to find a cover for them.

 

I hope that next year will be as fun as this one has been…………………….
 
Emily's Note at the bottom - Well for me this has been a busy year with school, work, and internships. I cannot believe the amount of insane I can handle. Without all my family and especially Pete, none of this would be possible. I have two semesters left and will walk in May, although I will not be officially done until August. We are looking forward to life after Grad School.

 

Sunday, November 24, 2013

What am I Thankful for this THANKSGIVING?


 

Once again I have to take it upon myself to blog, since Emily is so busy with work, internship, and school.  She is in my opinion become Wonder Woman.  First off, I am thankful that I am alive; I sometimes need to remind myself of how close I came to not being here anymore.  I am thankful that I can stay home and take care of Henry; he brings me such joy seeing him discover new things every day.  I am thankful that we have enough money that I can stay home.  Only working during hunting season has been a blessing this year, I make enough to pay child support and it gives my family the Christmas presents without causing a strain in our budget.  I am thankful to be married to Wonder Woman; she has been my protector the last 4 years, I used to call her my replacement brain, for when I forgot something.  But I realize now how much she had to do for me when I forgot everything.  I would wake up every day before the brain surgery (knowing full well I was divorced from Kim) asking where Kassidy was.  I never could understand where she was every morning.  Every morning Emily would explain to me that she lives in Boise with her Mom, Shawn, and brother Noah.  Then would ask me if I understood, I always seemed to know once she told me.  When I woke up from the surgery, in my mind it was 1996, I was in recovery, was convinced that we had been in a wreck and Kassidy was gone.  I could not calm down, so they would not unstrap me from the operating table. After about 20 minutes of this, someone finally decided to get Emily, once I saw her everything snapped into place, I knew it was 2009, I knew who she was, and memories returned, almost like rebooting a computer.  I remember the good, the bad, and the ugly (lol) of my life.

I am thankful for an area that surprises me the most.  I am thankful for Nampa, I like it here, which does surprises me the most.  People ask me how is Boise, I don’t live in Boise I live in Nampa, big difference.  I don’t live in the fake capital of Idaho; I grew up in the first capital of Idaho.  I am not a Boise State fan, just because I live here, I am a Vandal; I attended and graduated from the True and Only University of Idaho, big difference.

I still find enjoyment in cutting meat, my stamina sucks because of the meningitis infection, so working full time may never become a reality, and I am finding this to be ok. Emily and I are more than likely buying a house in July when the lease is up on the Condo we are currently living in.  I am looking forward to doing yard work, maybe a “little” garden, not the 1/4 acre that my in-laws or Emily’s grandparents have.  I just don’t see myself as the canning person, but hell who knows.  I said I would never leave Northern Idaho, would never own a Toyota, sure as hell never live near Boise, never become a Mormon, and would never be happily married.  I am thankful that I was wrong about all of those too!

I am thankful for my entire family; Mom and John, Grandma, Dad and Marlene, my half-brother Michael, step sisters Cheri and Dianna, Emily’s parents (who took care of me and my family for way too long), her siblings Chelsea (who always gets a coke from me), Devri (the mother of the groom), McCallen (my favorite aviator), Taryn (who reminds me that I can be a big jerk sometimes), Ethan (who will become a grown up someday), I am thankful to be in a family that has given me nieces and nephews (Heather, Matthew, Michael, Sarah, Amber, Rachael, Aaron).  I am thankful for my girls, Lainey, Kassidy, and Katelyn.  I am thankful for my boys Jackson, Wyatt and Henry.

Sunday, June 30, 2013


Since Emily is the blogger, but doesn’t seem to have the time to do this.  It has fallen onto me to become crateful.  So bear with me and my rants and whatever’s.

 

Yesterday was my baby daughter Katelyn’s 13th birthday.  I haven’t seen her since before Jackson was born and sometimes wonder what she must think of me.  Does she wonder why I do not really want anything to do with her Mother, so alas I don’t get to see her?  Katelyn’s Mother tries to control every aspect of her life, but one day it will come back and bite her square on the butt.

When I was sick and was in the hospital getting ready for my brain surgery, I finally decided to tell Tracey in case stuff happened. She must have had to call every hospital in Salt Lake looking for me, but she did call me and we were civil for the first time in a few years.  But afterwards she kept pressing me to give up my parental rights so that her new husband could adopt “Kate” as she likes to be called now.  I fought the idea for a while, but decided that maybe there was some merit to it, so last March I decided that it was better for all of us involved if I did.  It has been 15 months since I told her to go for it.  And still nothing is done.  Last October, she asked for my address so they could send the paperwork, still nothing.  I caught my child support up in May thinking that she could use it to pay for her lawyer.  Good grief I think she wants me to pay for it and give her the tax credit for the adoption.

Enough about that my blood pressure is starting to rise and my head starts to throb when that happens so I will just say that I have a feeling that I will be paying for Katelyn until she graduates from High School and then be going to court to protest her changing her name.

 

So on to the rest of the month of June………..Jackson and Wyatt have been in Northern Idaho visiting my parents.  Mom has decided that next year they need a break from each other, so Jackson gets June and Wyatt goes in July.  They are fighting and I think that Wyatt is feeling a little left out, because his Papa is working during the day and Jackson has always been real close to my Mom.

Henry is growing like a weed, loves to jump in his jumper.  I really have enjoyed staying home and raising him.  I call this my everyday blessing.

Kassidy, my daughter with Kim, has been accepted to a weeklong architecture course at the University of Idaho, that’s right folks, she wants to be a Vandal!!!!!!  She is looking forward to living in a dorm and going to class for a week.  I am so proud of her and the young lady that she is becoming.  She has a very stable home life and I could not have asked for a better step-dad than she has.

Emily is working hard and going to school, and throw a stupid internship into it and I will just have to pencil myself into her calendar sometime in 2014 lol.