Monday, August 10, 2009

Just finding the groove.

We went last Friday and got things started for SSI and Disability. We will see how smoothly that goes.

Pete has been having some better days. And the bad days are more okay than bad so I am thankful for that. We have another appointment on Tuesday the 18th. I think he is supposed to have a CT scan that day and then visit with the neurosurgeon. I am hoping for good news like that we won't have to do the shunt, but I am prepared for anything.

I was sitting in Sunday school yesterday not thinking much of it just wanting it to be over, I have never really enjoyed Sunday School, lol. We were talking about Joseph Smith's time in the Liberty Jail (such a contradiction-Liberty Jail). Anyway we were talking about the prayer and the Lord's answer to that prayer (D&C 121 I think) and Sister Young pointed out one thing that the Lord told Joseph. He called him "my son" and that just hit me so hard. It was like this powerful calm or peace or answer for me and everything I was going through. Suddenly I wasn't thinking about my trials I was thinking about how much I truly am loved, by the Lord and by my family. To me "My son" meant "my daughter". Even now typing this I am filled with those same feelings. Just like a warm blanket.

The other thing that was pointed out in this was perspective. The Lord told Joseph his trials would be but a small moment. I realized that I had been coping with everything better when I looked past the trials and found the blessings and the changes for the good in my life and in my family. I hope you will all bear with me I am just trying to record this for me as it is my outlet. I find that the more I separate myself from the now perspective and turn toward something more eternal I am able to cope better and find myself less overwhelmed.

I have always known the Lord was looking out for my family, things have worked out too perfectly sometimes for there not to have been some divine intervention.

My boys are doing alright here. Jackson is getting ready to go to school. I am sending him to Ririe for now. He will get to ride the bus and he loves that. The school supply list is a little daunting. Wyatt and Jackson are loving all this room I think. They have been playing.

We went to get wood the other day with my mom and Wyatt and Jackson were both busy. Jackson played and helped as he could carry logs. Wyatt helped carry logs to the trailer and then rolled the ones he couldn't lift. I think he worked as hard as any of us, but I think his effort was greater. Before that he was all over the hill getting huckleberries, there weren't many but he was there with us. Both boys were tired that night.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Trial by fire

I know at least that they want to treat Pete for 18 months. We still have the neurosurgeon today so we will see how that goes. We need to go back to the Infectious Disease Clinic in two weeks.

On my mind are the following things:

1) They want to give Pete another MRI, but here is the rub. Their financial advocate can only discount the price and then have us give a fifty percent down payment at time of service. He estimated this on the phone for me at $400. I don't have that. So I need to figure out my way around all this to get Pete the care he needs. These stupid people were told we were broke and no insurance or jobs. I am hoping this is still the right thing to do when everything told us to do it. I am with Pete and starting to doubt but will work through it.

2) I need a job. The doctor told Pete he would likely not be able to work for the next 18 months. So I need to find a job. Simple enough if not complicated by the fact that Pete needs to be in SLC for treatments or checkups every few weeks and if they decide to shunt his brain he will need to be admitted to the hospital. What do I do with this?

3) I want to be there for Pete, and the boys, and take care of everything I need to do for my family. I am supposed to be the strong one and balance all this, but I don't know how. We need some income for gas and some food and to pay the cell phone, but his unemployment doesn't last forever and I am not sure how much longer we can file anyway.

I am sure that the purpose of this is to come out stronger on the other side, but it doesn't make it any easier for me to do all I need to do for my family.