Sunday, December 13, 2009

Christmas is coming...

Hi everyone! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! This year we are going to Lewiston for the holidays to visit with Pete's family. We have been down here for a few months so its probably time to go back for a visit.

Wyatt will be four next Sunday and is mega excited. Jackson won't stop snooping for what is coming for Christmas.

I am hoping that the boys will have a nice Christmas. Things have worked out better than one might hope for Christmas. Thank Heaven for tender mercies, that is what my mom calls them.

I spent most of last week working on my largest project, quilting a quilt for Pete's grandma. I hope that she will love it as much as I think she will.

I have some things to sew for the boys when I can find a free minute. I might be able to get it done and then it is wrap, wrap, wrap...

I have a picture of the boys with Santa and of the quilt, but I don't have them loaded on my computer.

Friday, November 20, 2009

It all looks good.

We were in Utah this past week. The neurosurgeon says it all looks good, and barring the shunt failing we don't have to go back and see him.

Jackson is looking forward to his first field trip on Dec 4 and is very excited.

Wyatt is doing good and likes to help me with things, but I am sure he wants to go to school and has two more school years before that is possible.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Sometimes I feel like I am drowning.

The last week or so I swear I feel like I am drowning. I can't keep my head above water and am starting to feel a little depressed. I know the stress of this is showing in the way I treat everyone and I really don't like that trait in myself right now. The money issue is just starting to show. I need a job, I do but I don't even know where to start. I find it hard to do the things i need to do around here. I would love if we could have our own place again, but I would like to stay in this ward. I just don't know what to do right now. I feel like I am drowning. I don't know what I am doing anymore since I am not having to watch Pete so closely. HELP!!!!! I have bills piled up that I have no idea how I will pay. I just need to find me again and I don't know how. I need things to be okay like I know they will. Just having a hard time being patient.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

November update

I just thought I would update and let you all know we are doing well. We are in the midst of follow up and financial crap in relation to the surgery. Boys had fun trunk or treating and then we watched Ethan's last high school football game.

As many of you know I had been away from the church about 7-8 years prior to Pete's illness and with that illness I returned not knowing what else to do. Since coming back every meeting seems to make me cry. Just the massive emotions that have waited way too long to come out. Pete is very supportive through all this and I appreciate that more than he knows. I guess I feel that I have been empty for so long I am being spiritually filled to overflowing.

Pete's illlness has done some good things. It has brought me closer to God again, it has brought me closer to my family both my parents and my boys and Pete. I have worked so hard to see the good and find the end of this... I have had to look beyond the pain of know to find the higher purpose in all of this. It is the only thing that has kept me going.

I thank God for the good friends. Jessica you have no idea what your note meant to me when I was in such a dark place. I am so glad to have reconnected with Janene. We still don't see each other much but at least we connect now. I am so grateful to devri and brian for welcoming us into their home whether it was all of us or just me needing a shower. Thank you Chelsea for watching Wyatt for a few days without me coming to check on him. It was so nice to not worry so much about him. I knew you had it covered even with everything going on in your life. McCallan, Ethan, and Taryn have been wonderful through all of this as well.

I guess I am just feeling surrounded by love and very grateful. My Mother-in-law has been there every time we have needed her and I love her very much. My mom has put up with a lot and I am thankful for her. There are just too many people that have been there for us.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Breathing again....

Pete is starting to look a million times better. He finally got to sleep and slept pretty well last night. I have to take the boys to a primary activity this morning so I only have a second.

I am feeling like I can breathe again. Not totally at ease that nothing else is going to happen because I know better, but it may feel like we can finally be getting through this.

The surgery made all the difference in the world. I can feel him coming back to me. He hasn't really been himself in such a long time. He has some mood swings, but all in all I am glad he is back. Its funny, he has started treating me like I am breakable, knowing all the things I have done in the last year. Friday he got Jackson ready for school so I could sleep. I missed that guy!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


Pete's in surgery now and will be for the next couple hours. Waiting for mom to get here from Dev's. I don't know what I am feeling. A little scared and hopeful. I just want all this to be over.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Unexpected Blessings.

Be careful what you pray for.... I prayed that Pete would be out of pain and that we would be able to find a way to get him the help he needs.

We got to the emergency room yesterday and finally got the tests that he needed because it was an emergency. They did bloodwork, a CT, and an MRI. The blocked ventricle had gotten worse, The largest cyst had tripled in size. The neuro resident was amazed he hasn't seized yet.

I believe more than ever the Lord looks out for us. This happened in such a way as he didn't get to worse case before it was considered an emergency, but enough so that they want to operate today without worrying about the financial concerns up front. I am having a mixed reaction, but I know that this is probably the best way things could have happened.

I don't know when he is going into surgery but they have him in the Neuro Critical Care Unit at University Hospital. So they are keeping a pretty close eye on him and I have been able to stay with him. I am loving the fact I can get wifi to keep connected to the outside world.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Back to the Emergency Room...

Pete's head has been hurting a lot more in the last few days and his confusion is getting alarming. We emailed the doctor and he would like us in the emergency room today. I have some clothes to get washed so I can take them and then we are gone. Thoughts and prayers would be much appreciated thanks!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Some Randomness

Yay! My Vandals are no longer in the bottom teams in the nation. In fact they are ranked 50 which is better than they have done since I started school there. Yay and GO VANDALS! 2 more games until bowl eligible, but I am really trying hard not to get my hopes up.

Ethan has a game tonight.. I hope he does well, he should they are playing West J who hasn't won yet.

I love you all out there in the blogosphere. Hope you are all well!

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Just an update...

I am sorry it has been such a long time since I posted. I just haven't felt like we have done anything noteworthy of late.

We spent Labor Day Weekend with Pete's mom, that was fun. We went to Jackson Hole and Yellowstone. The boys liked that and I have some pictures posted on facebook.

Today my brother, Ethan and I took Wyatt and old rusty up to Foster's potato fields and filled up 11 bags. It was some tough stuff and I am glad I had Ethan's muscles to pack them all. lol

Pete has had ups and downs. He says he feels disconected and can't explain. So we have our DI adventures. I found six of the Work and the Glory books so far. It has been fun. I also found another cute Nativity for my collection. I would love to have my own place and space, but it has been nice to have help for the boys.

LOL I am so tired of canning already and we have tomatoes still to do... We ripped them out of the garden last sunday due to the frost that was coming that night.

Otherwise I think we are good. Just wanted to update.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Starting to get things figured out.

Went to health and welfare yesterday. I had a question about my benefits, anyway.... While I was there they told me if we had a letter proving he couldn't work and therefore unable to draw unemployment, I could get Pete on Medicaid. We already had the letter in the works so this was good news. He found out also that he would get a break on child support while he isn't working, I also found out that Jackson's optical is covered. His teacher called me the other day and told me he was having trouble seeing the board. We realized then after our own observations, that he was squinting at times to see the TV. I know now why he sits so close. Poor baby, I know how hard it is when you can't see.

The teacher also tried to convince me he was mildly autistic. Its funny none of his doctors, or previous teachers, or speech therapists ever seemed to think that about him. So who knows why she thinks this.

Wyatt has gotten into such tantrums lately. He is usually so sweet, gentle, and helpful. Then, if I tell him he can't have something he wants its like Jekyll and Hyde. What do I do with that kid? lol

Pete's mom is coming for a visit this weekend, it will be nice to see her and the boys miss her and John a whole bunch. I really appreciate having family to lean on but I sure do miss having my own place.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Just finding the groove.

We went last Friday and got things started for SSI and Disability. We will see how smoothly that goes.

Pete has been having some better days. And the bad days are more okay than bad so I am thankful for that. We have another appointment on Tuesday the 18th. I think he is supposed to have a CT scan that day and then visit with the neurosurgeon. I am hoping for good news like that we won't have to do the shunt, but I am prepared for anything.

I was sitting in Sunday school yesterday not thinking much of it just wanting it to be over, I have never really enjoyed Sunday School, lol. We were talking about Joseph Smith's time in the Liberty Jail (such a contradiction-Liberty Jail). Anyway we were talking about the prayer and the Lord's answer to that prayer (D&C 121 I think) and Sister Young pointed out one thing that the Lord told Joseph. He called him "my son" and that just hit me so hard. It was like this powerful calm or peace or answer for me and everything I was going through. Suddenly I wasn't thinking about my trials I was thinking about how much I truly am loved, by the Lord and by my family. To me "My son" meant "my daughter". Even now typing this I am filled with those same feelings. Just like a warm blanket.

The other thing that was pointed out in this was perspective. The Lord told Joseph his trials would be but a small moment. I realized that I had been coping with everything better when I looked past the trials and found the blessings and the changes for the good in my life and in my family. I hope you will all bear with me I am just trying to record this for me as it is my outlet. I find that the more I separate myself from the now perspective and turn toward something more eternal I am able to cope better and find myself less overwhelmed.

I have always known the Lord was looking out for my family, things have worked out too perfectly sometimes for there not to have been some divine intervention.

My boys are doing alright here. Jackson is getting ready to go to school. I am sending him to Ririe for now. He will get to ride the bus and he loves that. The school supply list is a little daunting. Wyatt and Jackson are loving all this room I think. They have been playing.

We went to get wood the other day with my mom and Wyatt and Jackson were both busy. Jackson played and helped as he could carry logs. Wyatt helped carry logs to the trailer and then rolled the ones he couldn't lift. I think he worked as hard as any of us, but I think his effort was greater. Before that he was all over the hill getting huckleberries, there weren't many but he was there with us. Both boys were tired that night.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Trial by fire

I know at least that they want to treat Pete for 18 months. We still have the neurosurgeon today so we will see how that goes. We need to go back to the Infectious Disease Clinic in two weeks.

On my mind are the following things:

1) They want to give Pete another MRI, but here is the rub. Their financial advocate can only discount the price and then have us give a fifty percent down payment at time of service. He estimated this on the phone for me at $400. I don't have that. So I need to figure out my way around all this to get Pete the care he needs. These stupid people were told we were broke and no insurance or jobs. I am hoping this is still the right thing to do when everything told us to do it. I am with Pete and starting to doubt but will work through it.

2) I need a job. The doctor told Pete he would likely not be able to work for the next 18 months. So I need to find a job. Simple enough if not complicated by the fact that Pete needs to be in SLC for treatments or checkups every few weeks and if they decide to shunt his brain he will need to be admitted to the hospital. What do I do with this?

3) I want to be there for Pete, and the boys, and take care of everything I need to do for my family. I am supposed to be the strong one and balance all this, but I don't know how. We need some income for gas and some food and to pay the cell phone, but his unemployment doesn't last forever and I am not sure how much longer we can file anyway.

I am sure that the purpose of this is to come out stronger on the other side, but it doesn't make it any easier for me to do all I need to do for my family.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Life in Ririe

I feel so displaced. We gave up our apartment, some of our stuff, other stuff went into storage. I am so lost right now. I am waiting in limbo for the answers we need. I wish that this would go faster, Monday needs to get here. I hope we can wait that long. Poor Pete is just having some bad days. I need this out of his brain. I want him back.

Also hanging in the balance is where I am sending Jackson to first grade. It is so hard to know what to do. I don't know how we will find someplace to live. I am holding onto the faith that this will turn out the way it is supposed to turn out. I am running out of strength. Luckily this time I am surrounded by family. It helps. I still want to run away, but I don't know where I would go.

I need to keep myself occupied. Find a job would be a good place to start, but even so I don't know what kind of treatment they want to do.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Back to where I started....

We made it down to Ririe. It was a long and basically uneventful trip. Wyatt decided to liven things up on both sides of Lolo Pass by getting carsick... I was driving once and Pete drove the other time. Just a winding road and he was sitting in the sun. I thought I was prepared, but we still had to change his clothes once... The second time I had a barf bag out quicker...

We are here and have doctor appointments next Monday and Tuesday. Happy anniversary to us. I just hope they can get this figured out and we are on a where do we go from here path.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Moving on...

Tonight will be our last night in Lewiston for a long time.. I know we will be back for visits since Pete's mom and grandma are here and his dad is in Craigmont.

The car is packed and all we have to do is a little cleaning tonight before we hit the road in the morning. Everything has pointed to this being what we need to do, but that doesn't stop the mixed feelings surrounding this.

I pray that the doctors are able to get us through this and get Pete well again. I pray that I will be able to find a job and get an income going for our little family. I thank Him for our friends and family who have been so good and supportive through this whole ordeal. I hope this is the beginning of the end of this illness and bad spell.

Thank you all for everything and I will see you on the flip side.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Our Leap of Faith...

Wow so many changes suddenly happening...We are packing up the apartment so we don't have the bills to worry about in case of an extended utah stay... I am guessing we have to be in the general area for treatments and follow up for the next 18 months... We will put things in storage in Pete's grandma's garage until we find someplace to settle. Pete told me the other day that he feels that is where we need to me. It is so refreshing to hear him put it that way and that it is his idea...

He has appointments on the 3rd and 4th of August. The 4th stinks because it is our anniversery, maybe i could convince one of my sisters to let us go out, hint hint..

Lainey will be staying up here under the care of one of her friend's family.

I don't know where Jackson will continue his schooling, I think I will have him start first grade in Ririe if we haven't settled before then. Hopefully I can find some job opportunity. We will be leaving Lewiston behind next Friday, my mother in law and her friend and possibly her mother will be taking care of finishing the cleaning and painting.

We decided it would be cumbersome to move some of our larger furniture that we were going to part with at some point anyway so we gave it to one of our friends. We decided the love and support we have been given it would only be right to share that with our friends. Why sell it and deny us the blessing of serving someone else?

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Will this ever end?

I would love to give you a positive update, I really would. Pete had an MRI this morning and he has five cryptococcal cysts on his brain. What am I supposed to do with this?

They are changing his medications. We are looking at longer hospital stay and possibly brain surgery to drain the cysts... I can't take much more and I really, really don't want to lose him.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Hospital Update.... boy this seems redundant.

Okay so barring any major revelations when the cultures come back, Pete is in the hospital for two weeks. Following the hospital stay there will be SIX MONTHS of treatment. I think one of the doctors is talking to a neurologist about his memory loss. I know there are some doctors from Spokane interested in his case and the CDC is going to be involved somehow.

The boys and I have been visiting him every day. He missed Jackson's last tee-ball game on Thursday. Also, he will be in the hospital on Jackson's birthday. I am not sure how we are going to work that.

Pete has promised me that we will still be able to go to Ririe but we will likely miss most of the camping trip. We really did want to go, but this stupid illness came back. I would like to see any of you that want to see me LOL.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I can't take this again!

Pete is back in the hospital again. Obviously we hadn't licked this quite as much as we thought. He is much better going in than he was at any point in the hospital last time. I won't know for sure how long he will be in this time until the cultures come back in five days. So the stay will be five days to two weeks, but he will be five days into treatment when the cultures come back. I just don't know how long I can do this and this may or may not mess up our plans to go to Ririe. At least he is alert. I think I can deal with bored better than groggy.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Summer Progressing

Two Tee-ball games left and swimming lessons just finished on Wednesday, though strangely Wyatt was not wanting to go.
I went to LCSC and talked about what I would need to do to go into the nursing program and then filled out my fafsa. I am at the point now that I need to decide what I am doing. I have a few applications out there that I am interested in, but one would have me moving out of the valley. I just don't know what I need to do at this point. So its going to take some more thought and prayer and maybe just a leap. For the first time since we got married, Pete is truly open to moving to another area. His illness just shook us both up.
Pete and I have been trying to figure out how we are going to go camping with my family. It would be fun if we could go to Harry Potter with family members while I was there since we are talking about staying at least a week and maybe through the next weekend so I can see Rebekah and Jon's family and maybe check out Ririe Days. I almost think they need to tack on all the class reunions to Ririe days to get a better turn out for both. I am going to email Annikah about that.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Summer is here, Kinda...

School's out, of this much I am sure. Beyond that, the weather has been nice with a mixture of not so nice. Thus my hesitation on calling it summer. The temperatures are close to perfect and not to hot which is a pleasant suprise, I don't expect it to last, thankfully the AC can help.

Boys are busy. We are tee balling through the month with Jackson, and both boys are taking swimming lessons. Jackson is starting to relax enough to get some buoyancy and Wyatt can kick like nobody's business and has no trouble jumping off the side to Pete's waiting arms. He has been in the water with them helping out. They both love it and are exhausted by the time they get home.

I have an appointment next Monday with admissions at LCSC. I am seriously thinking about going back for a second degree. Nursing, go figure.

We are trying desperately to make it down to Ririe in July. Most likely, if we can make it happen, we will drive down on the 9th and stay for a week. I am crossing my fingers.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Family Update

We are doing pretty well. This year of school is almost done. Thursday is the last day for Jackson and Lainey. Pete and I are still looking for work, though I am seriously considering going back to school for nursing. Pete has finished his meds and is doing better, his still trying to regulate himself back to what life was before.

He is definitely changed since the hospital. he seems more sensative to some things. We are both really starting to feel the stress of the current situation. I just need someone to take a chance on me or on him or both.

I have been going back to church more regularly and taking the boys. Jackson loves his primary class. Devri, you are wonderful for sending those quiet books and the board books and Legacy and the Testaments, I love those movies, and the support helps so much.

Pete says he will go with me if I need him to, but I don't want to make him do anything. He will come when he is ready.

It helps that one of the moms at Jackson's school that i have talked to quite a bit is in my ward. Those boys will probably hang out quite a bit. I still feel so out of place its crazy. Some of the older ladies have been telling me that my boys do a little better each week. They seem very supportive. Luckily I also know a few people from previous employment. Just a few familiar faces help. I have been sitting on a row either in front of or behind another family with small children. The books go back and forth over the bench. She shares with us and we share with them. I really need to get her name.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Well that was fun...

For this weeks interviews... Regence went alright I am not holding my breath considering the past history - there are 4-6 openings so maybe. ATK told me that I would be happier taking my degree someplace else... LOL Its okay I am not sure I really I wanted to make bullets anyway...

Jackson started t-ball tonight, he wanted to bat. That is all. We will see how that goes. HE was doing better at least stopping the ball. I told him if he couldn't get it with his glove to stop it with his body. He took that to heart by sticking his foot out a couple times to stop it. He did get one that bounced into his glove. It blows my mind that my baby is playing tee ball. Wyatt had fun playing on the playground with one of Jackson's teammate's sister.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Another Interview

I have another interview on Wednesday at ATK, I just have a hard time hoping things are going to look up.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

small update.

Hi everyone! Anyway I am not sure about posting this or not... Superstitious I suppose. I have some testing and a possible interview on Monday - it is at Regence so the insurance is awesome. I am just not holding my breath since things seem to not work out for things I apply for there. Anyway just thought I would let you know.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Hi all...

Okay so I am probably due an update. Car. Check. Pete Home. CHECK!

Pete is still having to work through this -- slow to incubate - slow to go away-- He has good and bad days. It seems two steps forward, one back, but all in all he is doing a lot better.

Lainey has been visiting with the Missionaries lately and has been reading the Book of Mormon. It suprised me. They were here checking on Pete and on me and she volunteered that she wanted to find a church. I think it is wonderful that she is looking for any guidance. She went with me to stake conference, but was sick last week. So we will see what happens this week. I need to get those boys to be good. I know they need to get used to it but any ideas will help. Pete is very supportive of all of this even though he isn't ready for it himself. As far as I am concerned, most of this (at least on my part) is due to him being so sick and me finding myself in a dark place (a few posts back) I hadn't been in that place since before I knew Pete. One way or the other this time it brought me back at least the part of me I have supressed for so long to reduce the conflict I was feeling at that point and time (all of 2001 most of 2002) Long story and not for the blogs. SO I guess I am back or at least working back to that point.

Have about five crochet projects going - will have to post pictures as I finish them, though one is a familiar pattern - slightly different yarn.

Monday, April 20, 2009


Pete's mom did a wonderful thing and bought us a more dependable mode of transportation. She worried about our current vehicles on our trips to see my mom. I am so grateful to her for this gift. She seems as excited about it as we are. We picked it out on Saturday at Tyler and Kelly here in Lewiston. Here are some pics to share. I love, love, LOVE the color.

Easter Pictures

These are the boys over easter. They had a lot of fun hunting eggs at Ma's house. They got fruit in their easter baskets instead of a lot of candy. They just seem to like it better.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


Pete finally came home yesterday, we aren't at the end of this by a long shot but at least he is home. So now it is back to normal activities like taking Jackson and Wyatt for haircuts they have been whining about for awhile now. Maybe I will get my eyebrows waxed while I am there.

Made cupcakes last night for Jackson's in school "birthday" since his birthday is in July. I waited until he was in bed, I am so glad I did. Frosting them this morning and adding sprinkles was adventure enough with both boys. Then I took Jackson and his cupcakes to school. He wanted to take them by himself, I didn't think that would work too well. Give me a couple days and I will post some pictures from easter.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Going on Three weeks.

Rebekah, I am tired of this. We are going on three weeks and that is just the hospital. We were at least four of being sick before that.

I am tired. I am running out of strength. I want to run away and I am running out of babysitters. This better not last much longer. I need this to end. I know there is a reason for this, there has to be, but seriously. I am done! I am running out of what I can handle!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

More updates.

My blog is becoming very Pete-centric. That will change when he finally gets home.

Wyatt and I have been hanging out at the hospital while Jackson is in school now that spring break is over. It looks like he will be in there until next Monday. He wants me to bring in lunch for the three of us tomorrow. That will be fun if you can call it that.

Having him in the Hospital until Monday gets him off the IV medications and the very expensive medications. They can help him with the nausea and headaches better than I can..I hate having him gone but I really don't want to take him back.

So Easter is going to be interesting. I think I will take something for the boys to Pete before then so he can give it to them. We will do baskets/easter egg hunt at his mom's house and then visit him on Easter. I need to figure out something to take for him.

Such a long couple of months. One bright spot - I got another extension on unemployment.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Quick Update...

It is looking like Pete can come home on Monday - the doctor said Tomorrow except for the IV narcotics he is still on for Pain.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Monday Update...

Things are looking up at least where his health is concerned. There are other worries for other days.

Anyway - He has been up and around some today, though not without its challenges. The IVs came out and were replaced with a picc catheder. This allows all the tubes he needs to go into his arms and frees up his hands. This will also let him get the IV meds after he leaves the hospital.

The medicine they were giving him for pain didn't work and caused hallucinations so the doctor got him off of it today and his head cleared. We are still working on the pain, but still its getting a little better. He is eating more and is talking about coming home. His color was better and that helped. We still have a fight, but at least this is looking better.

Thank you for all your love and support and your prayers, they are still needed.

Sitting alone, trying to be strong for all those that need me...

I hate nights sitting alone. I haven't felt this alone in at least six years. I feel the love and support of everyone through this challenge, but sometimes I still feel like I am facing it alone. These last few months have been one thing after another, and then when something looked up for a second where I could catch my breath and hope to make plans, something else came raining down on me. They say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and that after the trials come the blessings, at this moment all I can say is, this better be good.

I feel torn the whole time, I need to be with Pete, he is my life, and I need to be with my boys, they are my life as well. They are also confused and don't know what is going on around them. They know that daddy is sick and in the hospital and they know they want to go with Mommy when she leaves. Lainey is on spring break and being the teenager she wants to have fun and play with her friends. I understand that as well which is partly why it is difficult to tell her no when she is helping me so much right now, but she keeps pusing me for more, knowing exactly what she is doing. I don't think she quite grasps the concept of family sometimes. I hate the dejected look that follows a maybe or a no. She just doesn't understand that there are reasons behind it and that sometimes she can accept a no without pouting, but I guess that is just teenagers.

Pete's mom is driving me nuts, she tells me I have to do this, and I have to do that, and she is googling all the bad stuff to make me and her insane. She is worried and I understand, but does she see how I need to be with him and I probably grasp the situation as well if not better than she does. I have to be positive or I break down and I can't break down because I have to be strong for everyone. It's like I told Lainey I am supreme commander of this universe. I don't think she completely gets that either.

I tried several times to leave tonight, but he needed me. His head hurt him so bad. How can I leave when he is like that? He was babbling incoherently and he was frustrated that I didn't understand. I tried, but he is on so many meds.

So the to do list *partially according to his mother, some duh included.

1. Get a job, and I think I am supposed to do this while he is in the hospital, but if I do this we don't qualify for the help to get this paid for which means massive bills because still no insurance and it wouldn't likely be covered anyway

2. Find a doctor for him and myself. This one is from his mother. I am trying to keep it all in the hospital so i am only in debt there.

3. Keep up with my online class so it can help me accomplish #1.

Other misc. to do.

Make sure my boys and Lainey know they are loved and cared for even if I am not around a lot.

Get my house in order, do you know how hard it is to keep something clean when you are worried about someone else and sorta feel crummy yourself. Add two boys making a mess and you have nearly impossible. another factor, not my strong suit to begin with.

Try to stay strong for Pete, the boys, Lainey, and My mother in law.

When do I get to fall apart? Never. It is my job to be the strong one.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

And the newest diagnosis in our series.....

Cryptococcal Menengitis. They started him on antifungal medication through the IV this evening and it seems like it is already helping. He ate part of a sandwich and some chips. This is more than he has eaten in a few weeks and he seemed to be holding it down. I think they finally got it right which makes me feel better.

Friday, March 27, 2009


They got the cultures back today. He doesn't have bacterial, its viral. So they just manage his pain and nausea. Trying to get him to keep down food. It will be at least another overnight in the hospital. This is a tough thing for me to go through. I can only imagine how it is for him.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Does it ever end?

Pete has been diagnosed with Bacterial Menengitis. So he gets to stay in the hospital at least overnight and the rest of us are blessed with taking antibiotics.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Some baby booties.

I am going to add ribbon to these in pink or blue and I am also going to try a different pattern. I like the ones Grandma makes so much better. I will post pictures of other projects as I take pictures of them. I have an afghan that is going to take awhile that I am making for Pete.

Pictures of the stitches

Some of these are not so great, but they are what they are.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Sick, Sick, Sick, and an ER Trip!

We have had sick around our house for about two weeks. Last week we took Wyatt to the doctor with an ear infection. He did pretty well, but he and Jackson both had sore ears and coughs.

I have had a sore throat, headache, cough and massive chest congestion. Pete has been down with a migraine and sinus trouble. He has had symptoms all over the map making the headaches worse. I want this all to be over, I thought Pete was feeling better today except he had been sleeping so much that he didn't sleep last night so it was hitting him again tonight.

Today I was in the other room and all of the sudded I hear this screeching from Jackson. He had cut his hand on a glass that I should have thrown away two days ago. It was cracked and the boys must have finished breaking it. I had blood all over my kitchen. I grabbed the closest dishtowel until I could look at it, Pete said it was a long gash so it was off to Valley Medical for the express care, the doctor there wasn't very gentle and we couldn't get Jackson to calm down. So they sent us to the ER where they could sedate him if necessary.

So we got to the ER, had Pete's mom pick up Wyatt and waited a little bit. Luckily a kid holding a bloody towel will bump you up in line in the ER. He got in and while we were waiting for a doctor they brought in three ambulances from a fire downtown. So the PA came in to stich up his finger. He was under Pete's coat so we didn't notice he wet his pants while he was waiting. I think he was just so traumatized. I went home and Pete stayed with him. He got to meet a fireman. I brought back some new clothes for Jackson and a new shirt for Pete. When I got there he was all stiched up and happy again. I will post the pictures later I need a minute to get them off of my cameras. He came out of the hospital with three stitches, a couple of latex gloves, a stuffed dog (the ones that people make and donate), a bunch of stickers and some bandaids that he refuses to use.

Now I am in the middle of making a King Cake for Lainey's school project tomorrow. Needless to say it has been a long day.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Pay It Forward

I found this one on one of my old roommates' blog.

So, here's how this game works-the first 3 people to leave a comment on this post will receive, at some point during the year, a handmade gift from me. What it will be and when it will arrive is a total surprise! The catch is that you must participate as well. Before you leave your comment, write up a pay it forward post on your blog to keep the fun going (or be lazy and copy and paste like I did). Then come back, let me know you're going to play and sit back and anticipate the arrival of your gift! Send me an email with your address, to:

Remember only the first three get a be quick!

Friday, February 20, 2009

My Crocheting...

I like to have projects to work on while I watch TV and stuff, but I really like the feel of the soft yarns... They are easier to use as well. So, I am thinking of doing a lot of baby stuff and seeing what else I can come up with. I am going to have to get a tote for all the finished projects... my new gift stash!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Monday, February 9, 2009

Latest project and job update...

So I am working on a baby afghan... Don't ask me why... My sisters are not having kids right now and I am not sure of anyone that is but I am making a white baby afghan because I can... So I need family or a close friend to have a baby like this summer lol...

So I had an interview on Friday. My Mother-in-Law's husband set it up for me. I am still waiting to hear back. It would be a self reliance worker for the state helping with Welfare and that... I got a call this morning from a recruiter that I heard from last week about a computer job. Both these jobs pay about the same and both are temporary.. the computer job is 10-12 weeks with a chance of becoming permanent and the self reliance specialist is 9 months with no promise of a permanent position. I just hope something works out and pray for it as well. Either one would be good money. I would love to persue the computer job since that is what I wanted to do when I started college. The other job is helping people and I would like it too... I just need one of these to work out.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Its been a while...

Okay just a short update...

Did the funeral thing, it was mass - interesting to me as I had never been to one... Spent the evening talking to my Mother-in-law so she had us around. That was fun if you can call it that. then this week we find out that he totally wrote her out of his will which is just a slap in the face. It isn't about money or posessions its about how much a person means to you, right?

Hobby - I have been a crocheting fool lol... Lots of potholders, figuring washrags, done three scarves, want to do a baby afghan and work my way up to big ones.

Family - Jackson is doing well in school, Wyatt is mr. helpful puts everything where it goes - so cute and so polite.
We will be moving at the end of this month. Since niether of us are working at the moment, we are moving in with Pete's grandma temporarily. I will let anyone who asks in on the PO Box. I just can't remember it at the moment. But if you have our old address it will be forwarded. Its kind of crazy trying to get this place ready to move out.

On the job front I got a call yesterday about a possible temporary position. It is 10-12 weeks but could evolve into permanent. Please pray for me I need this or something soon for my own sanity and self worth. It gets to that point in a job hunt.

Being a step mom to a live in teenager is challenging to me. There are just so many things that I want to be selfish about or overstep. I hate having to be on a line and figure out what to do... its nuts.. But I guess its good for me lol. I told my mom one thing that happened and how I reacted and she said I sounded like I knew what I was doing... That helped. Anyway I guess that is all for now.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Potholders anyone? New hobby

I have been crocheting since I got back from Ririe. Grandma showed me how to make the hot pads that are really nice and thick so I have made a bunch of those. Trying to figure out new things...I am making a scarf for one of my step daughters. It is really soft and nice and I hope she likes it. Anyway I am not sure yet what do do with all of it. I have made about five potholders and gave some to Pete's mom and Grandma. I think I will make more for others. It is nice to have something to do and still not be zoned out.

I want to make an afghan or more... I just need some patterns.

A wedding and now a funeral.

This just seems to be the way of things. Pete's grandfather passed away on Monday. We have to go to a funeral mass on Saturday. I am not sure what to expect from that. It will be a new experience. He is going to be a Pall Bearer.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Okay A week..

Pete came home yesterday asking me if I was ready to move. I am but that is beside the point. He lost his job yesterday due to "lack of enthusiasm" How enthusiastic can you be about windows. I cried of course, that is what I do, but beyond that we are both relatively calm and both know that things happen for a reason. Why it has to happen all at once is beyond me and I am quite aggitated about it LOL. But we don't get anything we can't handle right? This though is pushing me to my limit. So if anyone knows of any jobs, I am game.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Feeling Blessed.

I was feeling truly blessed yesterday. Pete called me from work and said he needed to go out on the road next week. Despite missing him, the money is better on the road and that opened the way for me to attend Devri's wedding. On top of that I got a ruling on my extended unemployment. I was worried considering the separation from the county. The Dept of labor contacted the county and they were actually really nice about my separation from them. They determined I was eligible for extended unemployment which adds a little to our income each week. This too is truly a blessing because my bills will be paid and I don't have to worry so much about my trip.

Pete and his brother were able to fix the heater in the Blazer so I can drive it down and meet him in Missoula. We will stay the night there on Wednesday and leave from Missoula for Ririe after Pete gets off work.

When things work out like that I just have to look to my father in heaven and remember that I really am loved and cared for. My prayers in this case have been answered if only for the next month or so. Working on things one day at a time and hoping that we find a more permanent solution.