Scary things are hard.

That might sound  like an ominous title. There is nothing out there that is too scary right now. Just little fears that creep in every so often. Not necessarily fears in the horror movie sense. Just little things.

For me this usually looks like a fear of failure, of not being good enough, of being awkward or embarrassing, Other times it is the fear of letting someone see my flaws. Fear of moving forward. I have picked some difficult things to work on this year, and I see myself struggling to see them through at times. Fear that it won't be enough, that I won't.

I find myself becoming a contradiction at things about myself that I don't understand and fearing actually addressing it with those that would care the most. I think I have found myself closer to having a complete breakdown this last month than I have in a long time. I think it's usually a matter of needing to find a better balance for me and not knowing what that is.

I know this is all cryptic, but honestly this is just a space for me to write this down and get it out, mayhap to overanalyze later.