So walking was fun, I had the party and the celebration, now I have to go to work to finish. I have 8 weeks in which to accomplish this and I am completely exhausted. It has reached the point where I just want to be done and at the same time I am petrified to have to find a new job and have people trust me to do this for real. Not, that I am not really doing this for my internship, but it just feels weird. I feel like I am still learning.
I have days when I feel like a rock star, that I am helping people and making a difference. I have other days where I just want to hide under a desk and hope no one finds me. I am told this is very normal. Don't get me wrong, I love this, this is what I was born to do and I feel that more than anything. This is what gives me faith to do the final push. 8 more weeks.... it feels like torture.
I love my boys for putting up with this including some very extreme mood swings when I feel overwhelmed. I sent Pete to his mom's with the boys a couple weeks ago just to eliminate distractions while I pushed to finish one class.
I calculated the other day and if I can continue with my hours the way I have been, I will be able to finish my internship in time.
I miss my life. I miss my books, I can't wait to return to them like old friends, maybe read with the boys again. I miss weekends, I miss church, if anything I can't wait to renew that experience in my life. I would love to have a balance again. If there has been anything neglected in my life it is balance. Self-care has been missing as well as time with my family. I don't think they are even going to see much of me this week. Its okay... I can do this, I can do anything for just 8 more weeks.