Friday, November 20, 2009

It all looks good.

We were in Utah this past week. The neurosurgeon says it all looks good, and barring the shunt failing we don't have to go back and see him.

Jackson is looking forward to his first field trip on Dec 4 and is very excited.

Wyatt is doing good and likes to help me with things, but I am sure he wants to go to school and has two more school years before that is possible.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Sometimes I feel like I am drowning.

The last week or so I swear I feel like I am drowning. I can't keep my head above water and am starting to feel a little depressed. I know the stress of this is showing in the way I treat everyone and I really don't like that trait in myself right now. The money issue is just starting to show. I need a job, I do but I don't even know where to start. I find it hard to do the things i need to do around here. I would love if we could have our own place again, but I would like to stay in this ward. I just don't know what to do right now. I feel like I am drowning. I don't know what I am doing anymore since I am not having to watch Pete so closely. HELP!!!!! I have bills piled up that I have no idea how I will pay. I just need to find me again and I don't know how. I need things to be okay like I know they will. Just having a hard time being patient.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

November update

I just thought I would update and let you all know we are doing well. We are in the midst of follow up and financial crap in relation to the surgery. Boys had fun trunk or treating and then we watched Ethan's last high school football game.

As many of you know I had been away from the church about 7-8 years prior to Pete's illness and with that illness I returned not knowing what else to do. Since coming back every meeting seems to make me cry. Just the massive emotions that have waited way too long to come out. Pete is very supportive through all this and I appreciate that more than he knows. I guess I feel that I have been empty for so long I am being spiritually filled to overflowing.

Pete's illlness has done some good things. It has brought me closer to God again, it has brought me closer to my family both my parents and my boys and Pete. I have worked so hard to see the good and find the end of this... I have had to look beyond the pain of know to find the higher purpose in all of this. It is the only thing that has kept me going.

I thank God for the good friends. Jessica you have no idea what your note meant to me when I was in such a dark place. I am so glad to have reconnected with Janene. We still don't see each other much but at least we connect now. I am so grateful to devri and brian for welcoming us into their home whether it was all of us or just me needing a shower. Thank you Chelsea for watching Wyatt for a few days without me coming to check on him. It was so nice to not worry so much about him. I knew you had it covered even with everything going on in your life. McCallan, Ethan, and Taryn have been wonderful through all of this as well.

I guess I am just feeling surrounded by love and very grateful. My Mother-in-law has been there every time we have needed her and I love her very much. My mom has put up with a lot and I am thankful for her. There are just too many people that have been there for us.