Thursday, September 29, 2011

Sweet!

My visiting teaching companion is the best. She worked so hard and made my boys halloween costumes. I am never this on the ball with costumes. Wyatt wanted to be Thor and Jackson wanted to be Mario. She is so talented!


Monday, September 26, 2011

Making plans...

So we aren't moving yet, still bed news, but there is good news.

We are going to be sealed in the Salt Lake Temple on November 5, 2011. It will be at 12:20 in the afternoon. Pete will be going through the Rexburg Temple the week before. I am so excited, but now its just about waiting and getting ready.

I can't wait. It is on my 30th birthday - I can't think of a better birthday party or birthday present.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Doubt....

It is amazing to me how sometimes I can feel the spirit so strong and then there are times, when I feel so far away that there comes in doubt. I realize doubt is a tool of the adversary, but sometimes it is difficult to get away from.

I once read something about fear being the opposite of faith. Faith and fear cannot exist together. Yet, right now I am so scared and to get through that I am really trying to have faith. Sometimes, faith can only get you so far. It doesn't help when anytime I try to take a step forward I am knocked backwards. I try and try and try to get where I need to get to have my family on stable footing. Pete and I try... we talk about what we need to do.... We work towards that and it doesn't help.

Right now I think I need to know that someone is listening. That it really is going to be okay. That there is something better waiting. I am working hard to get through school, I have a clear vision of what I want. Life in the meantime is beating me up. I feel bruised and broken and scared.

Sorry if I am over sharing, this is my outlet and the closest thing I have to a constant journal, which is scary but at least I try.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

UGH.....

So seriously - getting discouraged - Thought for sure I had that job, I just didn't interview well. I HATE THIS! I need to figure this out - especially in this economy.

On a positive note, Wyatt's Kindergarten teacher says he is ready to read before a lot of his class. she wants to move him to the afternoon, but I don't know. I think I am going to leave him wherever Mayci is. It will help when I actually find a job.

so for now breathing in - breathing out.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Hope springs anew.

I have hope again. I never really lost it but when you wait and wait for something and it doesn't come it can be frustrating especially when you are dependent on it for other things.

I finally have an interview at EICAP. It has been a long wait for a job possibility that changed many of our plans. That change has caused frustration on all sides so I think we are all looking for a little hope of better things to come.

Its not so much my faith being tested right now as my patience. Its a tough thing living with family. Its a blessing and a challenge. It tests your boundaries and makes for new relationship dynamics that were never there before.

Roles are not as defined. C'est la vie! C'est l'amour!

I am in four psychology classes so at the end of four introductory chapters I can officially say I am tired of the conditioned response of Pavlov's dogs. If only I had the patience to condition my children so well.

School starts on Thursday. It is so weird that it is starting this late. I need them to be in school so it is easier for me to work on my school. My goal for this school year is get up at six, shower, get them up and stay up and work on what I need to work on whether it is going to work or reading textbooks. Maybe it will work.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

I've had enough

When will my enough be sufficient to meet the Lord's enough? I can't take much more. We need steady employment and space of our own and so does my mom! I am not sure how much we all can handle.

Friday, September 2, 2011

I must be doing alright

When life falls apart, I blog. Not necessarily because I have to share it with the world but because I need to get it out. So honestly I must be doing okay. I am antsy waiting to hear from my job possibility. I am not as nervous as I could be because I know why it's delayed. I am just anxious to get something going. I want to be moved out of mom's again. I need to have my own stuff and my own house and mom needs hers back. I was never going to move back in with my parents.

I am back in classes and have 13 credits. I am loving my developmental psych class. The others will be interesting.

It got chilly the last couples days. I have even been able to turn off the fans. Heck I have been able to cuddle with Pete to get warm at night. I was freezing last night until he rolled over and held me. This summer it has just been to hot, I hug the edge to keep away from the heat.

I can't believe school hasn't started yet. It doesn't start until the 8th. I keep waiting. My boys thrive in school and it seems to make things easier on them and me. Wyatt will be in morning Kindergarten and Jackson will be in third grade, can you believe it?