It is amazing to me how sometimes I can feel the spirit so strong and then there are times, when I feel so far away that there comes in doubt. I realize doubt is a tool of the adversary, but sometimes it is difficult to get away from.
I once read something about fear being the opposite of faith. Faith and fear cannot exist together. Yet, right now I am so scared and to get through that I am really trying to have faith. Sometimes, faith can only get you so far. It doesn't help when anytime I try to take a step forward I am knocked backwards. I try and try and try to get where I need to get to have my family on stable footing. Pete and I try... we talk about what we need to do.... We work towards that and it doesn't help.
Right now I think I need to know that someone is listening. That it really is going to be okay. That there is something better waiting. I am working hard to get through school, I have a clear vision of what I want. Life in the meantime is beating me up. I feel bruised and broken and scared.
Sorry if I am over sharing, this is my outlet and the closest thing I have to a constant journal, which is scary but at least I try.