Reflecting...
I have been reflecting about myself lately. I am sure we all do it from time to time. I find it easier to get to know me. I find that I am someone worth getting to know. We all are.
I think I have realized more than ever that I am an empath. I feel everything. I have worked over the years to shut some of that down so I am not constantly in tears and have built walls, but ultimately, this is still who I am. It makes for some very interesting internal arguments when I can see both sides of an issue and feel the place where people are coming from. It also makes it very difficult to land on a conclusion. It also makes it to where there isn't much that is black and white. Once I can actually come to a conclusion, it makes it harder to change my mind and my heart on the matter. So there are a few areas where I stand firm, but I can still see where others are coming from.
Speaking of this tendency, it makes the current political and world climate really difficult to absorb. There is so much hurt being tossed around. People are hurting and then hurling barbs at each other and no one is listening. I can't stand when people don't listen. Listening doesn't mean that you condone or agree, but it means you respect the other person or group enough to hear them out. I am exhausted by the rhetoric, stereotyping, name calling, and overall general discord. I hate that rather than allow someone to have a different opinion, we make them the enemy. I agree with those that say, we need to focus on how we are the same, rather than how we are different. My heart breaks daily for those who are hurting.
I have friends who are divorcing the person who was their everything who are mourning the loss of someone who isn't dead and it kills me. If I could take their pain I would. It is comforting to know that Christ has already taken that pain, but that doesn't prevent their current state of hurt. Grieving and hurting is healthy. It helps us heal.
So on my personal empath revelation, I realized that I am in the perfect job for me. I initially started out thinking I needed to go into mental health counseling. I am realizing that being that deeply involved with people's lives would hurt too much. I feel that I am able to do much good where I am currently and it allows me to working on a shorter term basis with solutions as the focus. I still get to listen and help, but usually the most pressing thing is to help them find work. This is something that so many people take for granted but can mean so much. I have had the opportunity to see people change. I have seen them come into my office with a dark countenance. They were grumpy and easily agitated. They wanted the stuff I could give them that they saw as help. Fast forward a few months after working together and finding what they really need and seeing them come to life. The countenance change is the thing that keeps me going. People are visibly lighter, they are happy, they joke. It is a beautiful thing to see.
I have realized that when it comes to the goals that Pete and I have set, I can't do it alone. It has to be us as a team. I find that I need support and encouragement from other areas. I need those atta girls and it will be okays. I find that as much as I love to give support to others, I need to accept it as well. I feel that my journey so far in this life has given me much in the way of compassion for others, but I realize I am still learning and that everything takes practice and patience. I am hoping that this year will be a good year for me in my personal improvement. I am not looking for perfection (yet), but I am looking to be better than I am and better than I was.
One the areas where I struggle the most is with my kids. I have a hard time finding those moments to teach them. I love them dearly, but find my own failings get in the way and I worry that it is too late for me to help them become decent human beings. There are other times I look and see that maybe I haven't been to terrible after all. I know that they need me and all I can do is keep trying.
I think I have realized more than ever that I am an empath. I feel everything. I have worked over the years to shut some of that down so I am not constantly in tears and have built walls, but ultimately, this is still who I am. It makes for some very interesting internal arguments when I can see both sides of an issue and feel the place where people are coming from. It also makes it very difficult to land on a conclusion. It also makes it to where there isn't much that is black and white. Once I can actually come to a conclusion, it makes it harder to change my mind and my heart on the matter. So there are a few areas where I stand firm, but I can still see where others are coming from.
Speaking of this tendency, it makes the current political and world climate really difficult to absorb. There is so much hurt being tossed around. People are hurting and then hurling barbs at each other and no one is listening. I can't stand when people don't listen. Listening doesn't mean that you condone or agree, but it means you respect the other person or group enough to hear them out. I am exhausted by the rhetoric, stereotyping, name calling, and overall general discord. I hate that rather than allow someone to have a different opinion, we make them the enemy. I agree with those that say, we need to focus on how we are the same, rather than how we are different. My heart breaks daily for those who are hurting.
I have friends who are divorcing the person who was their everything who are mourning the loss of someone who isn't dead and it kills me. If I could take their pain I would. It is comforting to know that Christ has already taken that pain, but that doesn't prevent their current state of hurt. Grieving and hurting is healthy. It helps us heal.
So on my personal empath revelation, I realized that I am in the perfect job for me. I initially started out thinking I needed to go into mental health counseling. I am realizing that being that deeply involved with people's lives would hurt too much. I feel that I am able to do much good where I am currently and it allows me to working on a shorter term basis with solutions as the focus. I still get to listen and help, but usually the most pressing thing is to help them find work. This is something that so many people take for granted but can mean so much. I have had the opportunity to see people change. I have seen them come into my office with a dark countenance. They were grumpy and easily agitated. They wanted the stuff I could give them that they saw as help. Fast forward a few months after working together and finding what they really need and seeing them come to life. The countenance change is the thing that keeps me going. People are visibly lighter, they are happy, they joke. It is a beautiful thing to see.
I have realized that when it comes to the goals that Pete and I have set, I can't do it alone. It has to be us as a team. I find that I need support and encouragement from other areas. I need those atta girls and it will be okays. I find that as much as I love to give support to others, I need to accept it as well. I feel that my journey so far in this life has given me much in the way of compassion for others, but I realize I am still learning and that everything takes practice and patience. I am hoping that this year will be a good year for me in my personal improvement. I am not looking for perfection (yet), but I am looking to be better than I am and better than I was.
One the areas where I struggle the most is with my kids. I have a hard time finding those moments to teach them. I love them dearly, but find my own failings get in the way and I worry that it is too late for me to help them become decent human beings. There are other times I look and see that maybe I haven't been to terrible after all. I know that they need me and all I can do is keep trying.
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