Flynn Family

I think that so many of us feel unseen or invisible at one point or another. In the movie, "The Princess Diaries," Mia at one point talks about being invisible and liking it. They make such a point of it that she gets sat on at one point by someone not paying attention. Have you ever felt like that? I know that I have felt invisible a lot lately and on many different fronts. 1. I feel invisible at work. I have other coworkers that seem to have huge flashing lights around them and I feel invisible and overlooked. I was passed over for a few promotions in the last year and it has been a difficult pill to swallow as I keep hoping and trying for an opportunity to feel that my efforts aren't wasted and that I can some how fulfill my potential. 2. I feel invisible at church. I want to serve. I want to have a calling. I feel sometimes like I am not seen for my talents and people forget that I am an option. I need to change my view on some callings and that is most definitely o...

The one thing I am struggling to wrap my head around is this feeling of depression that I have identified recently. As a counselor, you try to help people develop coping skills, you recommend counseling, you do what you can to help. Also as a counselor, you find yourself trying to cope with the ways you help others. I have experienced depression before. It's been about 18 years since I really battled it, but this time it's different. I was able to root out a cause 18 years ago. I was able to pinpoint a reason and actively fight. This time, I just feel my energy sapped, overwhelming dread, and a million other little things with no reason in sight. I am always on the verge of tears. It takes so much more energy to try to be what people need me to be, what I need me to be. I don't really feel like I can talk about it because there is nothing to talk about. We can say it is related to losing my dad, but that is likely only part of it because this was there before that happe...

I was reading some click bait on my phone on break today and it was talking about scammers. It reminded me of a once upon a time with my Uncle Rick and my dad. The whole story was kind of funny. The phone rings one time when we were staying at my Uncle Rick's house. My dad being the jokester he is answered and said, "Linville residence, butler speaking." They ask for my uncle and so my dad hands him the phone. They start asking things like, "Do you own your home?" My uncle replies, "yes." Then it was something like, "Are you on city sewer?" "No." "Do you have a septic tank?" "No." The exasperated salesman then asks, "well then, what do you have?" Without skipping a beat, my uncle replies, "An outhouse!" I think my uncle and dad were going to die laughing. My uncle got off the phone with an exuberant, "I finally got one!"

The last couple weeks have been hard. Like emotionally exhausted, grief-filled hard. I left work on 6/12/2019 at 3:30 as usual in order to make it home in time for a four o'clock class. This puts me in the door at 3:45 and gives me 15 minutes to catch up with Pete before heading up to my room for two and a half hours. This class was winding down and I only had two sessions left. No big deal. Pete's uncle had passed away earlier in the day and he was trying to figure out if he needed to head up to Lewiston for a memorial. We were just doing our usual small talk and I got a message from my sister. She said that Mom was on her way to the hospital because Dad had been taken to the emergency room. It said that he had been found passed out in the parking lot at work. He had been having some trouble with bronchitis and another infection so we thought it was probably related to that. I must have known something was wrong because I flippantly said to Pete, "My dad trumps your unc...

That might sound  like an ominous title. There is nothing out there that is too scary right now. Just little fears that creep in every so often. Not necessarily fears in the horror movie sense. Just little things. For me this usually looks like a fear of failure, of not being good enough, of being awkward or embarrassing, Other times it is the fear of letting someone see my flaws. Fear of moving forward. I have picked some difficult things to work on this year, and I see myself struggling to see them through at times. Fear that it won't be enough, that I won't. I find myself becoming a contradiction at things about myself that I don't understand and fearing actually addressing it with those that would care the most. I think I have found myself closer to having a complete breakdown this last month than I have in a long time. I think it's usually a matter of needing to find a better balance for me and not knowing what that is. I know this is all cryptic, but honestl...

We live in a society where we are used to immediate results and immediate rewards. Long term goals are difficult and frustrating as they take time. As with anything that takes work and time, it will be worth it, but that doesn't stop the discouragement that comes in waiting sometimes. With a long term goal, you can start strong, you can put forth a good effort, but doubt can creep in about the ability to follow through with it. I am writing this because I have felt the doubt seeping in at the edges. I need to stay strong and I need to stay excited in order to accomplish my goals. It would be so easy to give up, but the reward at the end is worth more than temporary doubts and fears.

Pete and I were watching Young Sheldon  the other day and the mother was having a crisis of faith. A neighbor's daughter was killed in a car accident, and this mother was having a hard time with it. She didn't know what to say to the family - she didn't want to tell them their daughter was in a better place because wasn't the best place for her to be was in her parent's arms? Anyone that knows anything about Sheldon will tell you, he doesn't believe in God. He has lots of questions and no one can answer them satisfactorily. He has a scientific mind and wants to learn all he can. The poignant part for me was after mom had done a few things to try to fill the hole she was feeling, she was sitting on the porch swing and struggling with her faith, Sheldon came out and wanted to talk to her. He told her about gravity - If gravity was just a bit stronger, the earth would collapse on itself, but on the other hand, if gravity was just a bit lighter, the earth would exp...

I have been reflecting about myself lately. I am sure we all do it from time to time. I find it easier to get to know me. I find that I am someone worth getting to know. We all are. I think I have realized more than ever that I am an empath. I feel everything. I have worked over the years to shut some of that down so I am not constantly in tears and have built walls, but ultimately, this is still who I am. It makes for some very interesting internal arguments when I can see both sides of an issue and feel the place where people are coming from. It also makes it very difficult to land on a conclusion. It also makes it to where there isn't much that is black and white. Once I can actually come to a conclusion, it makes it harder to change my mind and my heart on the matter. So there are a few areas where I stand firm, but I can still see where others are coming from. Speaking of this tendency, it makes the current political and world climate really difficult to absorb. There is s...

Okay, so we aren't new, but there is so much more that is. I needed a place to put some goals down in print. 1) Finances - We are tired of the paycheck to paycheck lifestyle. We are buckling down and doing two things for this year Starting to save - yes, I have a 401k and retirement through work, but actively putting money into an account we can't touch very easily so we can do things like go on a vacation or something. Or for those little emergencies.  We don't have a ton of debt, but it would be nice to get all that under control so that is goal number 2. 2) Health - I say health because I am not feeling like Diet is the best word. To accomplish this I am going to take the following baby steps Cut out soda - for real this time. This will include doing a Plexus subscription. I already know it helps me crave less sugar. But I need to get a grip on this now Exercise - yes I am writing this down for follow through and accountability reasons. Get a second hand Wii ...